


This Must Be Dark Matter Because I Don't Fucking Understand It

by batterwitch_dumb_basses



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anime Club, Backstory, Fluff, Maryam Mother Rage, Momma Porrim, Multi, amporas and their legs, amporas are cuddlers, and damara knows exactly what rufioh is like, but cute things, first love added now, grumpy captors, it's gonna end in tears sorry, lots of side story, rufioh is a bit of a dick, smoking mention, sollux is a dumb baby, too many tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:01:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2372048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batterwitch_dumb_basses/pseuds/batterwitch_dumb_basses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parties are pretty much always bad. For instance, it's at a party where Gamzee asks Eridan out. Their relationship flourishes. And Sollux finds himself becomingly inexplicably jealous.<br/>Meanwhile, the rest of their group are experiencing...a little turbulence. It makes no sense to anyone, but hey, that's both dark matter and adolescence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wait, What?

===> Be the cool hacker who hates this party already.

One of the things you, Sollux Captor, hate about attending parties is that Cronus Ampora is always being a massive fucking douche at them, which in all honesty he can accomplish simply by being there. It's even worse that this party is at the big Ampora house, otherwise known as 'we have money and we're being assholes about it' Mansion.  
Luckily their father isn't home tonight, as he's actually the only scary Ampora. If he is home he actually lets it happen but takes apart his guns and cleans them in a corner, not looking up for anything, but the speed that man manages to reconstruct a rifle with is a very frightening thing indeed. According to the elder Ampora douche, he's away dealing with a client on the coast, so you don't have to deal with his way of being even more interested in his terrifying weaponry the closer you are to him.  
The elder Ampora is in a corner of the room where most of the popular people are, and laughing out loud as he talks with some girl you don't know but who has enough of a grin for you to feel slightly sick at how close she is to Cronus. It's not even that it's him, but because of his unfairly won rank on the social ladder and the fact that he knows influential people. He tends hangs around with Feferi's sister Meenah, Dirk Strider, Rufioh Nitram, Kurloz Makara, and all that crowd. They (well actually just Meenah and Cronus) like to pester your brother so you usually stay near them and end up eavesdropping on their conversation so you know what they're planning. It helps to protect Mituna that Kurloz is his best friend. For a change, however, they aren't talking about Mituna or Kankri or AA's sister (Rufioh's ex) or EQ's big brother (also Rufioh's ex).  
It seems to be something to do with Cronus's brother Eridan, who you both know and despise (the jealous asshole hates how close you are to FF and you in turn hate his skinny ass for being a pompous bag of dicks). Still, why Cronus would be planning anything to do with his brother?  
You don't know. You don't particularly care either. Cronus Ampora is a douche, and a nasty minded one if he doesn't get his own way - KK's brother is still ignoring him, and consequently gets picked on at the university they both attend in a pretty brutal manner. Personally, you think the whole 'I Like Them So I Will Make Their Life Hell To Cover It' thing is something the elder Ampora should have left behind at kindergarten, but apparently he doesn't agree. After all, it isn't like you're going to ask him.  
Wow, what an awesome conversation that would be.  
You: Should you not be nice to him instead of being a bag of dicks if you want to stick your horrible slimy tongue down his throat?  
Him: Vwell, I nevwer thought of that. Thank you Sollux. Let me showv my gratitude by givwing you a year's supply of ice cream!  
Who are you kidding? He'd punch you in the crotch if he knew that you knew that he likes Kankri. It's a good thing he doesn't know how many people know he does or that would definitely be a crimp in reproduction for the whole room.  
Feferi tugs you to dance, giggling and smiling up at you, and Latula immediately stops dancing with her friend Porrim, sliding over instead to sit with Mituna, who has his Nintendo with him and is happy to see her, clumsily hugging her. She and you have this system of watching him at parties, and it works well - Cronus doesn't mess with Latula after she knocked him out with her skateboard that one time. (Secretly, Mituna has a video of the event that you took after Latula said she was going to knock him out. It's one of his favourite things to watch while he's feeling upset aside from the Avengers and his skateboarding videos.)  
You notice that you don't see Eridan here, and after a little bit of thinking you definitely remember him being there at the start of the party, sulking against the wall as fucking normal. You also notice Gamzee talking with Cronus, while Kurloz frowns and see Gamzee nod, grinning slowly and quite scarily and heading outside into the garden where a few people who hate these sorts of parties have drifted.  
You wonder what he's up to.

===> Be the smoking harassed little brother who also hates parties.

One of the things you, Eridan Ampora, hate about these parties that the popular kids throw is the amount of time you find yourself becoming incredibly bored and/or angry at the entire fucking world at them. As such, you sloped out into the garden early on. It was probably after seeing Fef cling to Sol so much. It was sickening how they were together. Fef had actually broken your friendship because you hated her 'buoy', and you had been seething.  
But now you have been feeling mostly empty. Anger is ugly for you, but sometimes it's the only emotion you are able to muster fully. Doesn't much help that your big brother is a dick with a vague 'nice guy' complex and a penchant for mocking you among his friends. Eridan the idiot. Eridan the straight-as-a-rainbow embarrassment to the family. Eridan the-secret-crossdresser-look-I-have-hilarious-photos. Or Eridan looks-almost-as-good-as-me-huh. You hate being dragged in front of Cro's stupid friends as live amusement. To others, it must look so nice - all of you having fun, Cronus being a good big brother.  
It isn't like that and it pisses you off. Cro should be a good big brother, his friends  
shouldn't find amusement in you and you should be able to be happy by yourself. You take another drag on your (stolen from your father's stash) cigarette, before sighing out, smoke coming out of your mouth like a particularly annoyed dragon. You've long left your cape in your room that you loved so much, as it's cumbersome at parties. Or anywhere, really.  
"Hey, Eribro?"  
A gentle voice. One you know well. It belongs to one Gamzee Makara, sometimes stoned and other times just a smiling happy presence. You look up and sigh again, before the cigarette is taken from your hand as gently as the greeting was spoken and crushed almost lovingly under the toe of the big boots he always wears.  
"Hey!"  
"Ain't good for you, that. Ain't anything miraculous about burning up your motherfuckin lungs, Eribro." He sits next to you and without warning hugs you tight, holds you close and starts crooning. You freeze up before a hand gently runs through the streak in your hair and you sort of....relax all at once into him, letting him hug you. Touch starved as you have been for ages, this is almost heaven. It's warm and kind and you don't know why he would hug you, but you don't want him to stop. An answering croon leaves your throat for some reason.  
"There we go.....feels better than motherfucking smoke all up and burning the life out of you, yeah?" He pulls you even closer until you're almost on his lap and you burn redder than your lungs probably were under the smoke, almost reaching to push back. One of his hands catches yours and brings it to his lips and he kisses it softly. All his movements are so soft and tender, and he's treating you with the same care that Karkat was insisting he does with him. You didn't believe him. You wonder when the hell you became as close a friend to him as Kar, and what the hell you did that was so good as to deserve this.  
You can't ....recall doing something so good. He looks down at you and chuckles, really gentle and takes your chin between his fingers, tilting your head up so you have to look him in the eyes. You think he may be drunk, but, oh god, he's making you feel drunk. Drk on him.  
"Can't burn something this pretty....Little miracle." His forehead knocks against your own and oh God you're so sure he can hear your heartbeat at this point, so sure he knows everything about you if he knows how to get you to calm down so quickly and let him pull you close and you squeeze your eyes tightly shut only to feel lips brush against them. They immediately open again because Gamzee Makara just kissed your eyelids, he just kissed your eyelids and that is definitely his hand very close to your butt and how did this happen and please, please don't let this stop.  
"Seen you look so sad for so long, but I motherfucking remember you smiling, Eribro..." He moved his hand a little to brush a finger along your jawline. "Won't you smile for me?"  
You look up at him and feel the blush burn high in your cheeks.  
"F-For...." You can't manage any more of the sentence, and he chuckles again, leaning forward until he brushes his lips so softly against yours and you kiss back, hands sliding up his chest to rest near his collarbone. He wraps with his free hand your arms around his neck, bringing it back down to curl around your waist as the two of you kiss and kiss.  
You feel like you're walking on some sort of bridge, or on air, and it's exhilarating. Your fairy tale is here and you can't imagine it changing and finally, finally your lips curve upwards, smiling against his lips, giving him the smile he asked for.

 

===> Be Sollux again.

You dance with Feferi, and see Karkat rush in from the garden and straight to Kanaya, which is a little odd. When you're finally back home, one sticky ipstick mark on your cheek courtesy of Roxy Lalonde (who for the record is a pretty decent hacker but who had decided to try Ampora Senior's second best whiskey) deciding that 'TUNA, YOUR BABY BRO-BRUV-BRITH- FUCK IT, SOLLUX IS A CUTIE PIE!' before being tugged away by Meenah, you have a message from Karkat - one of your best friends and someone you like to wind up - asking you if you know anything about Eridan and Gamzee. You frown. What the fuck does he mean by that?  
TA: you mean do ii know them per2onally? one'2 a douche and the other ii2 GZ.  
CG: DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM LIKING EACH OTHER  
TA: what the fuck   
TA: no ii diidn't  
CG: I DID NOT EITHER UNTIL I FOUND THEM SNOGGING EACH OTHER IN THE GARDEN LAST NIGHT. IT WAS A REALLY PLEASANT SURPRISE FOR ME. I DID NOT FEEL LIKE THROWING UP IN MY MOUTH AT THIS UNEXPECTED FUCKING TWIST AT ALL. REALLY.

You kind of...don't reply. You're kind of in shock.  
Holy shit. They like each other?  
You actually haven't seen this coming. They're only acquaintances in your little group of people - like how you don't exactly know Jade except by sight - so the fact that they apparently mutually like each other?  
That's very fucking weird. It definitely is making something turn within your stomach.  
Their brothers might hang out, but Gamzee and Eridan aren't exactly best friends, more being the Little Brothers Who Tag Along in Cronus's group (the fact that Cronus, the biggest asshole you know has a group is sickening beyond words). Maybe they met there, who's to say? It's still a bombshell, and not in a hot blonde girl from the fifties way. In a holy fucking shit why way.  
You push down the annoyed prickling feeling in your throat and try not to feel ill.

 

The next time you see Eridan is when things start to go a little wrong for you. It's a few days after the party, and all hangovers have already been cussed out on Facebook and Pesterchum. Roxy, of course, was as fresh as a fucking daisy.  
You aren't prepared at all for what he's like, or the company he's keeping, or anything else.You, of course, are used to seeing Eridan being whiny and mopey and that little bit angry at the world, or sneering at people. Being an ass or clinging to FF until she pushes him away, telling him she needs her space, or sulking against the wall after school trying to look cool or actually like he belongs anywhere and failing oh so miserably. Nagging and annoying you until you tell him to fuck off already, or threatening you or sneering down his nose at people. That's Eridan.

That isn't the boy that you see.  
The boy you see smiles and laughs, leaning on GZ and looking up at him with a soft and trusting look in his eyes, his whole face lighting up as he touches his nose against Gamzee's and seems completely at ease.They're sitting in the park, where you've come to walk your dog, Bicyclops (hey, you thought it was cool when you were a kid) and actually feeding each other bits of ice cream, which personally you were certain only ever happened before in one of KK's romcoms. Eridan is practically in Gamzee's lap, the lankier teen wrapping the arm not holding his ice cream around Eridan's waist and pulling him close. Close enough for Eridan to actually fucking snuggle into his shoulder.  
You almost walk into a tree, staring as you are, and peer around it, feeling cold.  
You've never seen Eridan act like that. Ever. And the more he smiles, the more you start wondering about the freckles he's letting show, which you only knew he had and concealed with make up before because FF told you, and if freckles can be cute on a boy, and if you can consider boys to be cute. If it's cute to wrinkle your nose when someone dabs ice cream on it and them attempt to lick it off. Shaking these weird as fuck thoughts, you keep walking, but somehow you're still thinking about the way Gamzee's arms wrap around Eridan. Something about it simply doesn't sit right with you.  
Why should you care?  
You shouldn't. Eridan was a loathsome douche no matter how cute he was when he was happy - well, moderately cute. As cute as a guy can be. His features were cute. He was not. At all. Besides, his relationships were none of your business. He's only your ex girlfriend and now best friend's childhood friend and the younger brother of the guy who torments your own older brother. He's someone you know. Not someone you need to worry about. Even if he is an insufferable douche who can't stop bugging you in class.  
You explain this to TZ when the two of you meet up for coffee when you've dropped Bicyclops off with your dad, and she sniffs a few times, licking coffee foam off the side of her cup.  
"Mr Blue Raspberry Punch, what do you mean? Why do you worry?" She tilts her head to the side and you try to gather your thoughts together and explain or something like that.  
"TZ, I mean that...It jutht doethn't feel right. The way GZ ith acting. The way ED ith. I mean, they were acting like complete dorkth, but I think thomething ith actually weird there. I don't like it." You slump and she reaches across to pat your ear, before you realise she was aiming for your head. Close enough.  
"Jealousy is thankfully not a crime, Sollux. The jury finds your emotional state to be normal considering the events!"  
"WHAT?!" You sit up straight, pretty sure your face is contorted with horror. "Who the hell would I be jealouth of?" You have a bad feeling you know what she means, but like hell will you admit that you know.  
"You envy Gamzee for having Eridan, no?" She cackles a little and you feel yourself going red. What the actual fuck. Your brain just leapt out your ears to Nopesville with that one. Fuck being right with your suspicions!  
"No! I don't! He can have him! It's just weird." you snap, and she holds her hands up in defence.  
"Fine, fine. Be that way. Just remember, too late is too late." She calmly sips at her coffee and you fume.  
"I don't like Eridan! In any way!"  
You can tell she for whatever reason doesn't believe you.  
You go away from meeting up with her in a foul mood, cursing Terezi for always thinking that being annoyed has to do with feelings. You knew she was hanging out with NP and KK too much - their everything-is-romance-it-is-meant-to-be approach must have rubbed off on her and you hate it. But she's one of your best friends. She's supposed to be on your side and not ship you, holy fuck!

The next day, you get to school and FF throws her arms around you and snuggles close, giggling.  
"Hey FF," you greet her, hugging back, and she giggles again, glancing over her shoulder.  
"Don't you think that they're cute?" she whispers, gesturing slightly over to a couple on one of the benches dotted around the school.  
Gamzee has wrapped Eridan's scarf around his own neck, and is tugging it every now and then to bring Eridan forward so he can kiss the side of his mouth or his cheeks or the end of his nose, and Eridan's trying to say something and pretend like he finds it undignified but he keeps blushing and collapsing into giggles, which makes Gamzee grin slowly as he pulls Eridan close again.  
It's sickening but FF is burbling happily about how 'adorabubble' the whole thing is, so you smile and nod and let her hug you as Gamzee smooths over Eridan's cheeks with his thumbs before the bell rings and they both spring up to be able to get to class on time.  
In class it feels uncomfortably boring, something inside of you itching to do something that is less boring or to have something happen. KK is still talking to you and FF is still texting you from her Home Economics class, telling you about the little stuffed animals they're making there (Kanaya, it seems, is having fun by making little outfits for the cat she's making) but something feels off and it isn't until you realise that it's because for once Eridan isn't bugging you or arguing with someone and that somehow you had grown used to him doing the douchey thing. Instead, when you turn to look, Eridan is looking down at his lap, and you think he might be typing. Texting.  
Texting Gamzee?  
It makes you fume a little. Guys like Ampora think they can do whatever they want in class because of being spoil rich little brats. FF is texting you, but at least she's telling you about class. Eridan is probably swooning over GZ's nonsensical texts like a moron. In fact, you can see the dopey smile on his face already. What a loser. You turn back to the maths problem and KK starts swearing at you, telling you to pay attention to what he's talking about.

Eridan doesn't bother you at all.  
For the rest of the day.  
It's pissing you off.

When you get home you storm up to your room and slam the door, logging quickly onto Minecraft. You go on creative and add to the huge planet you're building, adding to the pirate base. You actually managed to build a fleet for them, but the pirate base bores you, even if it is cool. You much prefer building the caves in the desert you made, which you decided to make into a rebel camp. You wander around adding to the caves before you hear a loud banging on the door. There really is only one person who knocks like that.  
"Come in, Tuna..."  
Your older brother barrels in.  
"You gotta help me an' Kurloz! Tholluckth! Come onnnnnn!" He's severely agitated, and gives you his phone. It's full of purple text and the weird smiley face his best friend loves using. You hand it back without looking. Of all the trivial things!  
"I'm buthy, Tuna."  
He stamps his feet, and pushes it back to you. "It'th important, damnit! Read them!"  
"It probably ithn't! Go away!"  
Usually he'd start apologising and you'd feel terrible, but he doesn't, he simply starts yelling at you and you don't even listen. You do start feeling bad - this was your horrible mood and now you're taking it out on him and why won't he just go away!  
He storms off, screaming swear words through the house as he does, and you curse under your breath as you develop more of the game.  
Your dad comes in an hour later.  
"Sollux Captor." He's actually the only one in the family who can pronounce your name. He usually calls you Sparky instead, not your full name . You're in big trouble indeed.  
You don't turn around.  
"Mituna'th upthet. You know anything about that?"  
If he's asking you that then he already knows your part in this, and you don't feel that he should be asking you if he already knows. You carry on tapping at the keyboard.  
Your father leaves after ten minutes. You know you're in trouble, but the dark feeling in you doesn't seem to care.


	2. Legs

===> Be the Ampora kid

You're at home tonight, Gamzee having dropped you off after a beautiful date that went so sweetly, and Cronus is being a huge prick, following you around and being in general very annoying. Asking you about personal fuckin' things, and bugging you until he asks the most stupid question that pisses you off and makes your cheeks flush with embarrassment.  
"So howv far did you twvo go?" He's doing his leery thing, where he leans on the wall and smirks at you.  
"Fuck off, Cro!" You slam the door to your room and bolt and lock it, thanking the fact that you learnt how to attach a lock and bolt to the door and bought one of each. Cronus is always stupid, always annoying but he hasn't yet figured out how to pick this combination of locks.  
You sigh and move to your wardrobe, digging through the box at the bottom and changing out of your skinny jeans after closing the curtains. Pulling on a pair of beautiful patterned tights, you followed it up by changing into a flouncy skirt that you bought while out with Kan, which really is the only time you can buy clothes like this with a pink hoodie over the top of a t-shirt that Porrim, Kan's big sister, bought you for your last birthday.  
You don't like having to lock yourself in your room when you do this, but there's no other way. You're the only person who should see you like this. Cro? You could trust him before, but now there is no way in hell you can. Not after the photos.  
Gam?  
You've no idea how he would react. You're worried about how he would react, actually. It's not normal to want to do this, is it? It doesn't seem to be.  
You head to the little attached bathroom you have and carefully wash the gel from your hair, and spend a small amount of time drying it before brushing through it and carefully putting it into two bunches.  
You sit in front of the mirror for a while, applying a bit of make up to finish it all off, and texting Kan, who is wondering how the date went. You tell her it went fine, and think back on it with a smile.  
Gamzee had taken you to the aquarium, which you loved, and laughed as you raced around like a kid, and you giggle as you remember him taking two straws at the cafe and pretending to be a walrus. There had been Eskimo kisses and the straws had bounced off your jaw, which had made you blush and laugh. He'd smiled at you and hugged you tightly.  
He'd bought you a manta ray plush after persuading you to let him buy you something at least, and you take it out of the bag to take a picture and send it to her. You'd bought him a walrus plush in return.  
Gam is making you much happier than you remember being, and you sigh happily just as your mobile pings with Cronus's number. You don't answer and instead a text shows up.  
  
'are you ignorin me'  
You don't bother to reply, instead moving back to sit on your bed and continue texting Kan. It should be pretty evident you're ignoring him.  
Kan then texts you saying Cronus is bothering her elder sister, and that apparently you're locked in your room again. You send a picture of yourself to Kan as an explanation with a caption explaining also that Cro was getting on your last nerve when you got back from that date and Cronus starts yelling outside your door five minutes later.  
"I don't care if Porrim thinks you need leavwing alone! Stop bein a damn brat!" He's banging his fist on the door, swearing not-quite-under his breath and threatening to ring your father.  
He only does this because he's bored. Honestly. It's kind of frightening when he starts banging on the door enough to shake it in its frame, which is when you take up the colour spray and implement an escape plan, packing a few things into a backpack aside from the shit you already had in there (the manta ray plushie for one, you ain't leaving that to the mercy of Cro), and you spray over your purple streak until your hair's completely black and switch your glasses over to little oval ones and tell Kan you'll be over soon, pulling the hoodie up.  
You often sneak out disguised like this, because Cro doesn't think you'll go out dressed like that. More fool him.  
You push the window up and catch hold of the branches, swearing quietly as you climb down and scrape your hands. You calmly walk out of the back garden, whistling as you see Cro through the window still banging on your door. Let him. You're walking around to Kan's.

===> Be the wandering hacker

Alright, you'll do that. You've wandered out of the house because Mituna wouldn't stop bothering you about Kurloz's message, whatever the fuck it was, and decided to wander around for a bit. Bicyclops needs walking, after all.  
The Golden Lab suddenly pulls you forward, and you race after him with a curse.  
"Thtop it! Thlow down! Bi!"  
He knocks you right into a tall skinny girl, who shrieks as she falls, and Bicyclops stands as you realise that you have knocked over a girl and she's glaring up at you.  
"Uh-um...uh..." You offer her a hand and pull her up as she glares more, brushing off a very flouncy skirt and familiar glasses and HOLY SHIT.  
HOLY SHIT.  
"ERIDAN?!" you squawk and he blushes brightly, sputtering with indignation.  
"Shut up, Sol!" he hisses, and you nod, somewhat dazed by the fact that that's Eridan in girls' clothing and a skirt and there are legs. In tights with little hearts on them. The sort of legs that on a girl would be beautiful. And legs. Legs. He has legs.  
"Legth..." You meant to say 'what's up',but your brain must have forgotten this. He goes red again.  
"Yes, I haw-e legs. Stop starin'!" He obviously feels mortified but holy crap on a cracker. Eridan makes a convincing girl. A very convincing girl.  
You look away. "Tho. Uh. What are you doing drethhed like that?" You want to cringe at how that came out. He scoffs.  
"I can dress how-wewer I w-want, Sol! An' I like dressing like this, so there!" He turns his head to the side before coughing. "I'm sneakin' out. Goin' to Kan's." He turns but Bicyclops runs in front of him and sits down, looking up with big eyes at what he probably views as a new friend, and you swear Eridan's expression just melts and he drops to his knees, coaxing Bi towards him.  
Which is really so not fair. This dog is big and dumb and basically if you try and coax him to do anything, he'll sit down and refuse to move. If you try and get along with the douche in front of you - who has very lovely legs - he makes you so annoyed or confuses you by being sweet around other people and irritating you, and most recently, ignoring you instead of acting up around you in order to spend time with his boyfriend. But Bi just plods over to Eridan and leans on him, and Eridan pats his side and tickles his ears.  
"Aw-w, you're a good boy, ain't cha? Yes, oh, you're beautiful!" He smiles at him and Bi moves closer to him, head butting him under the chin. Eridan simply continues fussing him. Apparently he likes dogs. You remember him actually going this nuts over Crabdad, KK's St Bernard, when KK threw that big party over at his place, but it's a bit different when it's your dog.  
"ED, weren't you on your way to KN?" you ask after an uncomfortable five minutes, and he straightens up reluctantly.  
"Yeah, I'm goin' to spend the night if she'll let m-" His phone starts ringing with a tingling theme that sounds suspiciously like an anime opening and he swipes to answer.  
"Hi, Kan--" His expression suddenly fills with horror and he sputters for a minute, before biting his lip heavily.  
"W-what do you mean, he's there? You mean he's round at yours?" He seems very nervous and you frown. You don't know anyone really who could make him that on edge.  
"Guess I'll go round to Gam's, then?....WHAT? Well, he's a...At least he ain't lookin' for me, right? Tell him to go home-- Oh, God. W-Where did he ewen find an axe? Shit, Dad's gonna kill me, and there goes the money I spent on that lock..." He looks kind of pale and you hesitantly take the phone off of him. He doesn't seem to resist much.  
"KN?" you ask, and there's silence for a little while,before she replies.  
"Sollux! I wouldn't have thought that you would be with Eridan..." She really does sound surprised and you clear your throat.  
"We kind of....ran into each other. What'th going on?"  
Eridan swipes for the phone but you dodge out of reach. Kanaya sighs.  
"Cronus is looking for Eridan, but in Eridan's current state it isn't wise for the two of them to meet up."  
Huh. That's weird. "What did Cronuth do with an ackth?" you ask, still wondering why it would be bad. Maybe Cronus doesn't know about the whole dressing-like-a-girl thing? You don't even know. With the Amporas? It really could be anything.  
"He chopped down Eridan's door. Apparently he was tired of knocking. After the last time he caught Eridan in this state? I would prefer that Eridan stayed out of his way for the time being." She sighs.  
His door? As in his bedroom door? That's....kind of scary. Damnit. Cronus is really frightening, then. News flash. Anyway, Cronus obviously did something bad last time he caught Eridan in girls' clothes. You wonder what it was, but you wouldn't be surprised if it was a nasty thing. It's Cronus, after all. You roll your eyes before she coughs.  
"Would you mind taking him around to your house, just overnight? He can't go to Gamzee's. Cronus is headed there next, according to Gamzee. Oh, and tell Eridan to check his messages, Gamzee's sent him some..."  
"What." Take the almighty douche to your house? No way! You try to protest, but Kanaya sighs a bit and you give in. Fine, it's not like it's  
"You owe me, KN." You end the call and hand the phone back to Eridan, before taking him by the arm and dragging him along. He flails.  
"Sol! W-what- please, let me go! W-what are you doing?"  
You frown. He appears to be having a minor freak out.  
"I'm taking you to my houthe to hide from your brother. You're welcome for that, by the w..way...."  
You made the mistake of looking at his legs again. Now, this is bad. You have to remember that this is Eridan (Ampora douchebag 2.0), that this is Eridan of all people (GZ's boyfriend and therefore these are not your legs to admire notthatyou'readmiringthem). You continue to drag him and he sighs.  
"Thank you, Sol..."  
You blink, and sigh.  
"Your brother thoundth thucky. What did he do latht time?"  
Eridan looks down. "He handed out photos to eweryone. My boyfriend dumped me ower it, thinking I w-was....in a relationship with one of Cronus's friends because the fucker had a picture of me in girls' clothes. Cro w-was also the one w-who showed me outta the closet, too. He's alw-ways been a heartless person." He sighs. "I w-wish Tuna w-was my brother, he'd be w-way cool."  
You blink at that last bit, but you're kind of shocked at how cruel Cronus has been to Eridan. Eridan might be a douche and a stuck up princess of a guy, but that's really not nice. You wouldn't have imagined Cronus being that way to his little brother.  
"....Athk Tuna if he'll be your big brother when we get to my houthe."  
And that's when things get really confusing because Eridan smiles to himself, all warm and sweet and you're blushing because of it and only vaguely hear him say, 'w-will do'.

===> Be Sollux twenty minutes in the future  
Yeah, sure. Why not. It won't kill the timeline.  
You've just gotten Eridan home when Tuna barrels down the stairs.  
"Tholluckth! You're back! And....ith thith your girlfriend?" He blinks and grins at the both of you.  
You shake your head, red faced, but Eridan laughs good-naturedly and rubs at his hair, which you had noticed was missing its purple streak. Black dust starts to come off and the streak reappears. Tuna blinks and you can see him peering at Eridan's legs for a few minutes, before staring at the skirt. Eridan sighs.  
"It's Eridan, Mituna," he says, and grins at you in an easy and familiar way that . "The one time I make a conwincing girl...But I am flattered!"  
"But your hair'th not thtupid!" Mituna points out, huffing. Eridan blushes and mutters something about hair gel, before Mituna reaches out and pats at his cheeks.  
"Freckleth."  
Eridan goes a little red and smiles. "Y-Yeah...I usually use concealer...."  
Mituna nods to himself and seizes Eridan by the arm, dragging him towards the sofa and sitting him down clumsily.  
"Wait here! Gonna get...bandages!"  
Bandages?  
Eridan blinks and then moves swiftly after Mituna to hug him shyly, moving back just as quick. Mituna grins at him and moves off to the kitchen where you keep the first aid kit, and you frown.  
"Why do you need firtht aid?"  
He shows you his palms, which are scraped to shit and bleeding. "Climbed out a the window." Grinning sheepishly, he lets them drop. "I was gonna ask Kan to take care a them."  
GZ would have done it, you think, and sigh. GZ, at least, might have noticed someone was bleeding. Shit, even Tuna noticed. Why didn't you?  
Eridan's checking his messages while Mituna crashes about in the kitchen, smiling with a blush covering his cheeks and that itchy irritating feeling is back because you just know he's talking to Gamzee and somehow that makes you annoyed. Mituna swipes the phone out of his hands when he comes back, frowning for some reason and starting to wipe at his hands with the antiseptic wipes, which makes Eridan hiss between his teeth.  
"Thorry..." Mituna pats at his arm heavily and Eridan smiles at him, shaking his head.  
"It just stings a bit, don't worry..."  
He really has changed. A few weeks ago, he would have refused the apology and swept out, but he's being nice and it's kind of creeping you out to be honest. This isn't Eridan as you know him and it really sticks in your mind. He and Mituna are getting on pretty well, and Mituna starts talking to him at that high speed, while Bicyclops, who really is the reason that Eridan is here at all, jumps on the sofa next to him and lays across his lap. Eridan fusses over him, tickling behind the ears and cooing. It's certainly a damn sight different to him sulking his way through every lesson he shares with you and every party.  
You start to wonder what it might have been like had you been...nice, you guess. If you'd asked him to parties or took him out for coffee or whatever. If you'd managed to make him nice instead of Gamzee. If he'd smiled at you like he does around Gamzee, thinking about the way he currently smiled at you,and laughed so openly and not being afraid to show his freckles.  
The thought of Eridan sitting as close to you as he does to Gamzee flashes through your mind and you go red, turning to run up the stairs and into your room, slamming he door shut and leaning against it. Fuck. Fuck! He's Gamzee's boyfriend and he's the stupid douche you know and despise. Where did that stupid scenario come from?  
You clench your fists. He's still the stupid guy who threw bits of paper at the back of your head because he didn't like you talking to FF more than he did. He's the stupidest guy in the history of stupid guys, a douche, a moron and you don't need your brain forgetting this.  
There's a slight knock on your door and you want to snap at whoever it is, but instead you sigh and move away.  
"Who ith it?"  
"Tuna!" He opens your door and grins. "I need thome of your pajamath for Danny!"  
Danny?  
You sputter a little, before snorting quietly. That is actually really, really cute.  
"Okay...Help yourthelf." You wave a hand at the drawers to the side of your room and move towards your laptop. Minecraft was usually a good way to forget whatever had happened.  
He took a pair of pajamas and turned around. "What are we gonna tell dad?"  
Oh.  
You hadn't thought about it.  
You father kind of disliked Mr Ampora, as apparently he was stuck up and had a horrible way of either being terrifying or looking down his nose at everyone except a couple of people. Gamzee's father apparently scared him, while he got on with Mrs Peixes, who herself was really scary.  
The sons? He'd met them at events and things, and chuckled slightly. You didn't know how he might react to Eridan being in the house.  
"We'll crothh that bridge when we come to it,Tuna. Why don't you introduthe Eridan to your Pokemon gameth?"  
Mituna lit up and raced towards the door, and you chuckle. Eridan perhaps deserves this.

After four hours of building a huge castle on your planet project that you make extravagant and showy, you come down to find Eridan isn't there and your dad is. You turn to Mituna quickly, but he seems okay, so you guess Eridan hasn't been kicked out. He's fidgeting a little like he's unsure and you turn to your father.  
"So I guess that went well..." your father mutters and smiles at you.  
"I walked in and the ...well, according to Mituna he's a boy...He leapt off the sofa and locked himself in the bathroom. He won't....well....He said he doesn't want to cause any trouble and not to tell his dad."  
Your own dad looks sheepish and like he doesn't know how to handle this. He can deal with Mituna because when Mituna's scared, unhappy or angry and throws a wobbly, because he's grown up dealing with them and knows what to do. When it's you locked in a room, he gets you to talk to him by threatening to change the wifi pass code so that your Minecraft will crash.  
With Eridan, he's pretty much unsure. Not that he knows that that is Eridan Ampora yet, which at least is something. You'll tell him later. Right now, you have a small crisis - you don't exactly know how to pick locks.  
You walk with Tuna over to the door of the downstairs bathroom and knock gently.  
"ED?"  
No response.  
"ED, I know you're there. Do I have to call FF?"  
A shuffle on the other side of the door, but no response. According to Kanaya, that one usually worked if it was a tantrum. So he was probably scared.  
You sigh.  
"You can thtay in the bathroom, you douche, but you have to tell uth what'th wrong."  
There's another scuffle and the door unlocks and he peers out.  
"Your dad isn't here?" he whispers.  
You look around and nearly facepalm when you see your dad peering around the corner like a fucking toddler and flap your hand so he backs off. For fuck's sake.  
"Nah, he'th in the other room, right, Tuna?"  
Mituna peers at the corner your dad was just peering around and you nearly achieve a facepalm squared.  
"Right!" Mituna says after a while and Eridan sort of moves back, and the door creaks open. He looks really upset.  
"I didn't mean....Is he upset w-with this? I'm sorry if he is...I don't want to...I mean, like this...."  
Oh.  
So he's worried about your dad seeing him in girls' clothing. Okay, understandable, especially if his brother reacts terribly to it (on an unrelated note you would pay to see Kankri's face and anger if he ever heard about that) but that's...  
"I'm pretty thure my dad doethn't mind at all about thtuff like that, ED. He doethn't care what you're wearing ath long ath you're wearing thomething. You could literally be wearing a duck cothtume and the amount of fuckth he would give would be none. Now get your butt out of there and back to the thofa becauthe you're worrying him."  
He blinks up at you, and frowns. "You ain't gonna tease me?"  
"It'd be a wathte of breath." You push him forward as he walks past you and Mituna steadies him as he wobbles with a little shriek and you rub your forehead.  
Your father smiles at Eridan, and Eridan moves back. Taking in his looks, your father seems less smiley.  
"You're the Amporas' youngest, aren't you?" he asks pleasantly, and he nods. Mituna raises his hand.  
"He ethcaped and we're helping him becauthe hith brother ith a dickbag!" he announces proudly. "And he wath really mean latht time he caught Eridan like thith but when Eridan climbed out the window and wath going to Porrim'th--"  
Your dad looks at Eridan in alarm. "Climbed out the window?"  
He nods and looks embarrassed.  
"I've been to your house before and I distinctly remember it being on the top floor. The second floor. It's the only one with painted windows, your father said." You dad stares at him still and you suddenly find yourself a little horrified as well. The first floor, you could probably do at a pinch, but the second floor might have you wetting your pants in sheer terror just a bit.  
"There's a tree, it ain't that hard to climb out, but I alw-ways scrape my hands." He shrugs and Mituna starts up again.  
"He locked the door to hith room tho hith brother couldn't get in, but Cronuth broke it down with an ackth --"  
"An axe?!" You dad is just looking more and more horrified now.  
"W-We have loads of w-weapons around the house, ain't any big deal...I just hate alw-ways replacin' the locks." Eridan actually is beginning to look a little confused.  
"And then Cronuth wath round at Porrim'th, and Tholluckth had found him by thith time, tho Tholluckth rethcued him and brought him home, tho Eridan'th a princethh," Mituna finished and you and your father turn to look at him in disbelief.  
"Huh?" Eridan asks, before doing the thing you see him occasionally do in the middle of a history rant - visibly thinking,looking up and concentrating. "Oh. Cause I escaped a tow-wer and got rescued by ....I guess you could call Sol a prince?"  
Put that way, you do see where Mituna got the idea that Eridan was a princess, b you heat up as he calls you a prince, before his phone buzzes. He swipes at it and kind of makes a gooey expression, and sticks his hand out to your dad.  
"I'm sorry for inconveniencing ya, but I hawe to stay here tonight. Cro's on the w-warpath and Dad ain't home to mediate, and my bedroom door's dow-wn. I hope that's okay, I mean...if not, I guess I can go around to Kar's, but Cro might check there anyhow-w...."  
Your dad, to your surprise, shakes his hand and smiles. "It's be a pleasure to have you staying here for the night. I quite understand. Back when I was your age, I once annoyed my father and had to stay with Nepeta's mom for the night. I just ran out without looking back, I was that scared. Hid under the bed all night!" He laughs and a Eridan begins to giggle too, before his phone buzzes again.  
"Ah...sorry...It's my boyfriend, do you mind ...if I?"  
"Not at all..." Your dad looks over at you with a little grin, for whatever reason, and Mituna suddenly looks down at the ground. Eridan doesn't seem to notice, leaving the room to text GZ.  
"And here I thought you liked him, Sollux..." your dad whispers loudly, causing you to cough and sputter in surprise, managing a weak "What the fuck?!" as he laughed a little.


	3. Of Cronus and Kankri

===> Be Cronus  
Well.  
Okay, you will. Even though that isn't something you might want to do at the moment due to the company you are keeping. It is angry company, you think. You're not sure what you did to piss it off.  
Currently, you are stomping after Porrim, who has left her house and is walking quickly in those high heels of hers towards an area of town you don't know all that well. It's near the church, where you occasionally go with your father and Eridan on a Sunday. She sighs after she realises you're still following her, but carries on walking.  
"I can't believwe that little shit snuck out!" you growl finally, and she rolls her eyes.  
"I can. Would you go around to Kurloz's house already?" she asks and you blink at her.  
"But Porrim, babe! Vwhat if he's somevwhere else? An' I vwas kind of hopin' vwe could hang out..." You waggle your eyebrows at her and she looks at you, and not in a happy way. More like disdain. Ouch.  
"One time, Cronus. One time I kissed you and you keep doing this thing. Honestly. Besides, why exactly do you want to find Eridan?"  
You shuffle your feet a little. The thing is, you know if you answer that she'll probably slap you.  
Oh well.  
"Dad told me to look after him and stop him from doin' anything stupid. He said to try and get him to quit his cigs, and to take care of him." Your father had been disgusted that he'd needed to take Eridan to the doctor, after he collapsed wheezing at school, and horrified to find his cigarettes in Eridan's room. Luckily he stopped there, otherwise he would have found something worse. Eridan is lucky it was you who found those pretty clothes of his. Dad would have sent him off to live with your crazy uncle Napoleon in Scotland, where your cousins would have been told. Probably.  
Meanwhile, Porrim stops and looks at you in complete disbelief. "He left you of all people in charge of Eridan?" Obviously she already knows the kid smokes, but you nod. Her eyes widen with horror, so you try and explain.  
"But the thing is, he's such a little shit to me all the time! I mean, he used to really get along vwith me, but then he just started pushin' me avway one day. No reason! Just being surly as all out and hidin' in his room!"  
She rolls her eyes again. "Are you sure there was no reason, Cronus?" She arched an eyebrow at you and you sighed.  
"Yes, I'm sure! I mean, it vwas vwhen he entered primary school, an' I don't knowv vwhat vwent dovwn..." You were a couple of years above, and at that point you weren't going to damage your rep by trying to hang with your little brother.  
"I might. Everyone and their dog knows what you're like. He probably got picked on for it." She keeps walking, and turns to walk to the front door of a house, knocking.  
"And you can't tell me you don't pick on him. Everyone saw those pictures you handed out..." You see her fists clench further as she knocks and wisely decide to move away from close range.  
You shuffle a bit. Honestly, it's just....That's just how it is. Eri and you haven't got on for years. You feel uncomfortable that he got bullied because of you, of course, but not too much. You know you've caused him to be bullied recently, so the shock is lessened, you guess. At least, you hope so. There's something in your gut clawing a bit. It may be your nasty rotten conscience.  
She knocks again on the door and there is muffled swearing upstairs and a window bangs open. The younger Vantas peers out, glaring like the look will shrivel any lowly mortals interrupting his precious time.  
"What the flying fuck-- Oh, hey Porrim. Be right down." The glare fades slightly into normal Vantas mode as he spots her and relaxes slightly. The window shuts and he disappears.  
You freeze.  
This is the Vantas house. This is the Vantas house.  
This is Kankri's house.  
You seize Porrim's arm. "Vwhy the fuck did you bring me here?!" You're angry and gripping her but she laughs at you.  
"You followed me, actually." She shakes you off. "And isn't Karkat friends with Eridan?"  
You blink.  
"Is he?"  
Porrim rolls her eyes at you again, before the door slams open. "I assume you - oh fuck, why did you bring him?" He glares at you and Porrim steps in front of you.  
"We actually need to talk to you, Karkat. Have you heard from Eridan?"  
He seems surprised. "No, I don't think so. I mean, I could ask Gamzee for you --"  
"Ain't round with the Makaras. I already checked with Kurloz." You glare at him and scuff your feet. You're really lucky their dad isn't around. Last you heard, he wanted to tear you limb from limb.  
"You lost Eridan?" Karkat seems a bit gobsmacked, but sighs. "Okay, firstly, Eridan might be my friend but I surprisingly didn't put a fucking PIN chip in his neck. Secondly, you're a douche. Thirdly, he isn't here, so I don't know where he is, and fourthly, whenever you're a douche to Eridan he doesn't tell on you, even if everyone else knows. Fifth, stop picking on Kankri or I will kick you so hard in the crotch you'll invert." He clenches his fists and almost vibrates with anger.  
Porrim sniggers.  
You don't say a thing.  
Karkat looks at you as you stand there. You're honestly kind of shocked at him, but the thing is?  
You like Kankri Vantas.  
You like like him and you used to be friends with him and it went badly. Thing is, you tried to tell him and accidentally kissed him, and he slapped you and ranted at you, and you didn't want him to tell anyone about it because in all honesty it was singularly the worst moment of your life when your long time crush seemed disgusted that you'd kissed him.  
You look at Karkat. He's like a copy of Kankri except that his eyes are darker and his hair much more spikier, and there is the small matter of the ear piercings - an industrial bar in one ear and three studs along the other. He's much angrier too.  
But Kankri is softer, his hair falling in gently curling waves around his gentle face and he's honestly so cute and he must now hate you, you know he must and you feel your loathing rising up. Loathing for yourself.  
"Sure. I'll make sure to do that..." You look to the side and Porrim blinks, seemingly surprised by you and your actions. You feel that she could perhaps not do that. It makes you feel nervous, and that isn't something you like to feel. She looks down at her phone and you relax slightly.  
When you find Eridan he's in big trouble, that's for sure. Your dad will kill you if you don't find him, and that isn't something you really want to happen, oddly enough. Your father is a scary, scary man.  
An image goes through your mind of Eridan sitting and shivering at a bus station, with a backpack. Of him getting the bus out of town. Of him on the streets.  
You tell your mind to stop it, but suddenly you think of Eridan with his throat slit in a ditch or on the side of the road and you feel your heart thump horribly. What if he's dead somewhere? What if he's run away?  
Karkat notices your expression and frowns. "Are you okay?"  
You drop your cigarette, and it falls to the ground still unlit. "Oh, God. Vwhat if....vwhat if he...."  
You can't finish that sentence because your heart is pulsing too hard and you don't want to think of him dead somewhere. Porrim grits her teeth at that and dials a number on her mobile while Karkat looks as scared as you feel all of a sudden.  
"Kanaya knows where he is, I'm sure. Don't panic like a fool, I'll find out. But Cronus?"  
You look up at her.  
"You're not going to see him. Not until tomorrow. I'll tell you where, but you don't see him until tomorrow and you fix his door. He doesn't deserve this. And you know it." She glares at you and you turn away.

===> Be the sweater guy hiding in your room

You aren't hiding! You are simply studying, while wrapped in a blanket (half under your bed, but ignore that for the sake of your dignity) and avoiding the bane of your life, otherwise known as your former friend, Cronus Ampora . Who....no, you won't think about that. You don't really like to do that. You find it brings you out in a red face and feeling very unhappy, confused and weird - after all, Cronus is your bully, not your friend. You remember when he used to be - when you were three or four, and he was a nice boy who used to come around to your house after church had ended on a Sunday. When you went to school he was in your class and the two of you quickly became friends . He loved magic at that point and you liked to repeat the sermons you learnt and once for his birthday repeated after a lot of practice the Sorting Poem from the first book. You were really good friends. You watched Pokemon and played at being wizards in his huge back yard, and let his little brother join in occasionally, although the brothers didn't much get along as they had before. Cronus told you privately that his little brother liked a nasty girl called Vriska, and that was why he was bruised so often - she didn't fight fair. You saw him put band-aids with the same care as always on Eridan's knees, where Vriska often pushed him to the floor so he'd scrape them.  
You told him about the crush you had on Latula, when you were nine, and he told you that she was dating Mituna. Soon after, you were asked out by a boy in your class - you forget his name, actually, something like Cole? - and that's when you discovered that boys could actually like boys and girls could like girls.  
That kind of shellshocked you.

You were there for Cronus when you were eleven and he'd denounced magic, and you were the one five months later who found him crying and smoking a cigarette. It definitely scared you, because you had read about a lot of things and you know what cigarettes lead to. You begged him not to, and even know he doesn't actually smoke his cigarettes still. But he still makes your life hell.  
Siging, you picked up your books once more. You're seventeen. You have homework to do, and thoughts of Cronus can wait.  
You wonder why he wanted to talk to Karkat, but you expect it's something to do with Eridan. After all, you were his friend when Eridan was still a toddler, and as such you know the boy. You were one of the first to see the photos stapled on the school announcement board of Eridan in a skirt and top looking horrified. Cronus swore when confronted about it that it wasn't him, but it must have been a friend of his. Only they had the photos that had been taken of Eridan, and you would only have thought it simply mean had you not had Eridan come into your house dragged by Karkat and sobbing, his face blooming with bruises and Karkat yelling at you to go get some band-aids and the house being subjected to a marathon of romcoms.  
You don't know if Cronus knew his little brother was beaten up because of those photos, or that for weeks on end he was harassed by several people - including a boy named Allistor who disliked the Amporas anyway, and several other people who had grudges against Cronus. People seemed to expect Cronus to care when they bullied his little brother, and you doubt if even anyone besides Karkat and yourself knew what was going on. You only knew because most people ignored you, and you'd seen them shoving him into lockers or beating him up or mocking him. Karkat reported that someone had called him a whore, and that Eridan had been thrown into the swimming pool. Luckily, he was extremely good at swimming.  
You felt sympathetic to Eridan, but he clung to Karkat only. You wondered what was going on now - you hadn't seen Eridan in a few weeks, but Karkat had been very worried about something. However, lately Karkat had been grumbling whenever you asked about Eridan (which wasn't that much - really).  
Your phone buzzes and you glance at it, ignoring it. Porrim's asking where you are. If you leave it alone, perhaps she won't figure out that you are in your room. She might think you've left it at home and gone out somewhere.  
The message shows up on screen.  
  
If yo+u're ho+me, I will kick yo+ur ass fo+r igno+ring me.   
You feel the start of fear creeping up on you but shake your head. You're going to be strong about this. Porrim can't bully you into answering.  
I mean it. I'll twist yo+ur arm and there will be co+nsequences.   
You grab your phone rather quickly and text her back. Okay, she can. She very much can.  
I'm d9ing my h9mew9rk! Get 9ff my 6ack!  
So+, yo+u are alive.  
Yes. Alive and w9rking 9n c9ursew9rk, s9 leave me al9ne!.  
Like yo+u wo+uld leave that to+ the last minute. Fine, I'm leaving and taking the greaser with me. Happy?  
Why w9uldn't I 6e?  
You put your phone down and sigh. You have a feeling today is going to be a long afternoon for you.

 

Sollux ===> Wonder why your family is so attached to this asshole

Seriously. He and Mituna are now playing all the video games your brother owns, chatting happily to each other and occasionally Eridan will laugh because Mituna's hugged him. They're very comfortable with each other, and they have to pause the game every now and then so that Eridan can text Gamzee back. The sickly feeling returns when you hear him calling Gamzee.  
They're talking away, gently, and then you hear Eridan's soft 'Lov-ve you too, Gam,' all shyness and real sentiment. You look over to him and his features have completely softened. You turn away.  
But Mituna and he just keep talking and playing games, and your dad is bringing them snacks and asking if they need anything. He really seems to really actually like Eridan. Although you're still recovering from the fact that he thinks you like Eridan. Like-like, you mean. Which for the record, you really don't, and it's stupid to wonder what it would be like with certain things.  
Like how soft his hair might feel.  
Or what you'd feel if he said 'Lov-ve you, Sol'.  
Or if he sat next to you or in your lap like he did with Gamzee.  
You felt the blush creep up your cheeks before shaking your head. Eridan was a douche! And plus, he was Gamzee's boyfriend. Gamzee. Your friend's best friend. You didn't need to be imagining that sort of thing! Holy crap, no, brain. That isn't something you're going to dwell on. Where the hell is this even coming from? It's uncalled for.  
You shake your head as if to push the thoughts out of it, and try to ignore that twisting feeling in your stomach. You're damned if you're going to fall into the trap of Eridan's happy smile. Where is Admiral Ackbar when you actually need him?  
You start to move more into the corner with your DS, and slip your phone out of your pocket. You're also carefully not staring at the Sailor Moon charms on Eridan's overnight bag.  
You text Aradia.  
hey 2o ii have a que2tiion for you 2pooklock holme2  
what ii2 iit called when you look at 2omeone and feel 2ick becau2e they're all lovey dovey  
jeal0us  
no iit ii2n't don't kiid wiith me twoday AA  
n0 s0llux it's called jeal0usy  
ii can't hear you  
la la fuckiing la  
You lock your phone and don't pay attention to its beeping. She is so screwing with you. There is no way you are jealous of Eridan and Gamzee. You don't like Eridan! He's arrogant, and he takes things too seriously, and everyone knows about that cape, and no matter what, everyone fucking knows he had a phase where he seriously believed that magic was real and he was going to get a letter from Hogwarts.  
Although you don't really remember that, only knowing what Karkat had told you. According to your small spiky friend, Eridan had, despite Cronus's reputation, firmly stayed himself, but Vriska had then broken his heart by telling him that if he couldn't do anything magical, he'd never get into Hogwarts, and anyway, it didn't exist. She nearly convinced him to let go on the swings to see if he would bounce, but luckily a very angry Kanaya told him that he wouldn't and Vriska was just being awful as usual.  
Apparently after that he still played pirates with her, which you found hilarious when you were told.  
You offhandedly wonder when he started dressing up in girls' clothing, and you wonder also what he might look like in other clothes. Like maybe a yellow summer dress.  
Hm.  
Your brain stutters and catches on the image. It's a nice image. Eridan is smiling, and the purple in his hair matches the yellow well. You let your eyes flick over to the real Eridan with the vision-Eridan still in mind, and he smiles kind of shyly at you, looking up from what you assume is Pokemon.  
"W-Wanna join in, Sol?" he asks, and Mituna looks up and nods at you. Apparently, you do want to join in. Well, if it keeps them happy, you guess. You decide to think on the confusing Eridan stuff later and relax at the moment.

You're currently laughing your ass off. Eridan had asked you to trade something to him, and when your Ace trainer got to the room, there was an Idol waiting for you. You've always thought Idols ridiculous, especially seeing as most of them have the same Pokemon, therefore making them especially ridiculous, but to see one bearing the name Eridan is, you feel, more than a little hilarious. Eridan is sulking, and Mituna is promising him a Kirlia to make up for your laughing. To your surprise and yet not so much, Eridan likes the cute Pokemon, and spend a while before battles going on about how cute it is, or ranting about how it isn't cute.  
You finally pull yourself together. "Hey, didn't you want thith Thilcoon?" you ask, and he brightens.  
"Yeah, it's so cute!" He starts the trade off, and you both look away from the DS screens. Mituna has a few dozen secondhand DS Lites, so Eridan was borrowing one of those and a game chip, which, it being a spare that Mituna completed and traded over the legendaries to his main chip, had been wiped and restarted for Eridan to have a go with. He'd apparently got Soul Silver at home, but this one was Diamond, so he's trying his best with it. He's really good at it, and had named his Piplup 'Napoleon'. It's pretentious, but so acutely Eridan that you had to smile, while Mituna had named most of his starters since he was six 'Tulip', which when he explained it to Eridan had the boy making a noise like he'd seen a puppy. It's weird, or slightly so anyway, that you don't remember ever seeing this side of Eridan. You can now see what Feferi means by 'adorabubble' when she talks about the Eridan who she knew as a kid. You grin at him.  
"So...didn't think you'd come to my house of all places, Ampora!" you say brightly, and he smiles at you again, and you feel yourself go a bit red.  
"W-wouldn't hawe thought it myself...But..." He reaches out to pat Bi's side gently. "I think it w-worked out for the best..." He cuts himself off with a yawn, and Mituna grins and jogs your arm, almost causing you to drop the console.  
"Danny's tired, Tholluckth!" He runs off, presumably to tell your dad that Eridan is going to be sleeping on the sofa and essentially leaving you two together in a kind of awkward silence.  
You notice your pajamas have been left on the chair, and Eridan goes a bit red.  
"Y-yeah, I brought my ow-wn, actually..." He looks up at you as though judging something before handing you the console and picking up his backpack, heading off to the bathroom. Silcoon has arrived safely, so you hit 'Save' on his game.  
When he returns, you almost drop both DS Lites to the floor because Eridan is wearing cute little pink and white penguin pajamas.  
You sort of make a keyboard smash noise, and he goes bright red, and you just know that if you don't act quickly that he will lock himself in the bathroom again (one day you will know what it is with him and locking himself up in tiny rooms) so you try and gather your brain together.  
"No, no! It'th alright, it really ith! It'th jutht, didn't much eckthpect it!"  
Penguins. Motherfucking penguins. He blinks at you and slowly sits down, in a wary manner, just in time to be barrelled into by Mituna, who is screeching.  
"CUTE! THO CUTE! DANNY DANNY DANNY!" He hugs him and laughs, and Eridan begins to giggle, patting Mituna's head. You grin at the scene as well, and Mituna pulls Eridan to sit back up from where he'd knocked them both to the floor, and took his console back up, whilst you handed Eridan back his. He made a happy sound, before your father walked in, holding the phone out to you.  
"Hello?" You balance the receiver on your shoulder as you walk out to the hall for some privacy.  
"Sollux? This is Porrim. Is Eridan with you?"  
KN's big sister. You gulp. One wrong move and you know she'll have a high heel up your ass faster than you can scream for help.  
"Yeth, why?"  
"I needed to confirm that he isn't dead. Somebody finally decided to be a responsible person and find out that he wasn't, and had an untimely panic."  
Oh God, Cronus. Cronus might be coming around to yours and then Mituna would be in hysterics and Eridan would be unhappy and hiding and--  
"He won't get to see Eridan tonight, don't worry. He's too busy fixing that bedroom door." Porrim sounds extremely pleased with herself and you guess she's taken charge here. You grin. The thought of Cronus sullenly fixing the door he chopped down with Porrim watching over him is a pleasant one.  
"Are you alright with having Eridan over there?" she asks, and you blink for a second before stuttering.  
"Y-Yeah, thure. I, uh, I mean, he and MT are getting on okay and all, tho it'th fine...."  
"Ah, yes, Eridan likes Pokemon, doesn't he? Well, I and Kanaya shall be around to pick him up tomorrow morning around ten, and Cronus will be at the house." Porrim sounds grim. "He's lucky I didn't tell my mother. You know how fond she is of Eridan-- oh, wait. You probably don't. She adores him. She dotes on Eridan. I'm debating whether or not to tell her, actually."  
You shudder. Mother Maryam is a beautiful scary lady, and close to KK's dad, who is actually her much younger half-brother. It's rather complicated, but overall it means that she pretty much brought Mr Vantas up, and was like a mother to a lot of you when you were younger.  
You therefore know that she would tan Cronus's hide if she ever found out. It's.....appealing. But knowing Cronus, he would blame Eridan. Which, while being no skin off your nose, it would still kind of suck.  
You sigh.  
"Don't. It'th fine. He'th fine here."  
Porrim and you talk a little longer, sorting things out, and you peer around the doorway when she hangs up.  
Eridan and Mituna are curled up together on the sofa, and while Mituna is awake, Eridan is not. He's asleep on Tuna's shoulder, and Tuna is lightly petting his hair.  
Somehow, you want to keep things like this. Weird as it is.  
You want this evening to last forever. You want Eridan to be here for a long time and to play Pokemon and feel comfortable.  
You go and sit on the sofa next to them, and curl up on Eridan's other side with some space between the two of you, once more saving his game for him where he's left it.


	4. Amporas No Communicado

===> Be the embarrassed Captor 

Holy. Shit.  
You've just woken up in a weird cuddle pile with your brother and Eridan Ampora, who still has his hair in bunches and cute penguin PJs on, and he's the one you're sort of awkwardly sleep cuddling.  
Scratch that. MT is sprawled with Eridan leaning his back against him and curled, somehow, during the night, into you, and you are full on hugging him under all these blankets.You slowly shift your arm away, eyes widening as a hundred different thoughts run through your mind such as 'holy shit', 'oh God this is Gamzee Makara's boyfriend I'm cuddling up to here' 'KK and GZ will both kill me' and 'fuck he's cute why is he cute this is Eridan for fuck's sakes ' - and this is when you start to hear a clicking sound, as well as muffled laughter. Oh, shit.  
"It's adorable. This is adorable. I didn't know the Amporas were cuddlers." Your dad is standing over you with a phone, almost fucking giggling as he takes incriminating photos, and when you grab for the phone, Eridan sort of slides backwards, rolls over, and clings on to Mituna, which wakes Mituna up. You decide you're going to definitely set a virus on your father's computer at some point, because for this? He deserves all his files being wiped.  
As Eridan cuddles into his neck like some sort of unhappy cat, Mituna lets out a little squeal once he realises what's happening and hugs Eridan tightly, while you shuffle back, and Eridan blinks awake with the hug, looking around blearily, hair mussed up from sleep and Mituna's ruffling of it with one clumsy hand.  
"W-where--"  
He looks up at Mituna and sort of relaxes, and seems to recognise more where he is. Mituna grins and pats his head again as Eridan hides his face in his neck, almost scowling as if to raise both middle fingers to all early mornings and people who enjoy them.  
You recognise this scowl, actually.  
You recognise it from one time when it iced over everywhere and the stores had to shut, and Karkat was talking to you when Eridan wrapped him in the infamous cape, which he had just started wearing less than usual, from behind like some kind of douchey human Venus Fly Trap and started growling into his neck and hiding himself in the cape.  
Oddly, Karkat didn't react much, aside from quietly asking Eridan a few questions which you couldn't tell if he answered or not before sending Dave to go get coffee and FF. It turned out that the Ampora household had run out of coffee, and since the store had been shut, Eridan hadn't been able to pick any up, and had turned into a grumpy withdrawal monster that needed hugs, fussing and the quickest cup of coffee that could be made. A teacher tried to lecture him on something (the cape, now you think about it) and got glared at and shouted down by Eridan, while Karkat swore at him and tried to get him to shut up. Eridan then clung to him and started muttering darkly, and you were very, very glad you couldn't hear him.

Eridan was pretty reliant on coffee, you learned from Karkat, to be anything near a morning person. Sure, he drank green tea during the day, and acted all refined when it came to herbals and shit like that, but in the morning, like everyone else, he needed caffeine very quickly before he could run out of patience.  
"Dad, could you get uth thome coffee?" you ask, motioning towards Eridan so he gets your drift. Eridan almost breaks the laws of speed with the way his head whips around at the word, and your dad grins and walks off into the kitchen - still with the phone, dammit. You should have grabbed it and ran off with it, the photos entering the void where they belong.  
Mituna hugs Eridan closely. "There...there will be coffee thoon, okay?" He pets his hair again and Eridan calms down slightly, wrapping his arms properly around Mituna.  
Eridan's phone, which is still on the side table where he left it last night after calling Gamzee, gives a little sparkly noise that has you reeling from the sheer cheeriness of it and he almost sits up straight.  
"G-Gam..." He reaches for the phone, smiling a bit. It says....well, a lot about their relationship if Gamzee's mere textual presence can make him look like this in the morning before he's had coffee. It makes something twist slightly nastily in your stomach again as he texts back with the soppiest expression on his face. You look away from him, and pick up your DS, opening it up and flicking the power switch.  
Mituna is looking between the two of you in confusion, before leaning over and rifling through Eridan's bag. He pulls out a plush of a manta ray, a pair of pale pink leggings out alongside a large pastel purple hoodie with hearts over it, and before he can pull more out Eridan catches sight of him and whatever is in his hand, squeaks and dives for it, snatching it out of MT's hands and going completely red.  
"Tuna! What're you lookin' for, Narnia?" He packs everything away except the manta ray and Mituna grins at him, tackling him with a hug, at which point Eridan's phone slides off the sofa, lighting up and displaying the text message that's just arrived as you scoop it up from the floor.

From: Gam <33333  
sO yOu AlL uP aNd StAyEd WiTh SoLbRo? hAh, CaN't ImAgInE yOu tWo Up AnD gEtTiNg AlOnG

The message annoys you. It annoys you, because Past You would have laughed and agreed with Gamzee, and you hand Eridan the phone in the middle of a Mituna Hug, which Eridan last night deemed a 'sacred and unbelievably fluffy thing', and watch his face light up again and eyes shine instead of any sort of 'sorry' or upset. He just smiles and smiles as he texts back with one hand, his other arm anchoring him to your big brother.  
You....feel it's unfair.  
Your dad comes through with coffee and Eridan ceases hugging Mituna and texting to grab a huge mug patterned badly with fish - you think FF bought it for you when you were kids, actually, from when you all had an 'ugliest present' competition at Christmas. Eridan takes an immediate gulp from it, hissing at the heat of the coffee (idiot probably burned his tongue) but still drinks it down as quickly as possible.  
"Ah.....Coffee. Coffee, you beautiful piece a glory...." he mutters, and your dad blinks at him a bit, shuffling backwards.  
"I take it he likes coffee?" he asks you in a whisper, and you nod.  
"All the Amporath are hideouthly dependent on it....Do you think you could get him another cup?" you ask, seeing Eridan looking at the empty cup sadly. Idiot...It makes the corners of your mouth twitch, however.  
"If he passes out, it's on you," your dad warns as he disappears back into the kitchen, and Mituna giggles, pulling Eridan onto his lap to cuddle and whisper to, as Eridan begins to become more of a morning-tolerant person.  
You're desperately trying to remind yourself at this point that he's still the same asshole from your class, but all the cuddling and Pokemon and happiness is confusing your brain.  
God. Fucking. Damnit.

 

====> Be the snarky and refined broad

You are....not sure how comfortable you are with the Makaras sat in the car. It's kind of awkward, actually, seeing as Gamzee is your best friend's boyfriend and Kurloz is not someone you've talked to much.  
Porrim is chatting at Kurloz, watching his signing before answering or asking, while Gamzee sits with a grin on his face and his phone in his hand, texting Eridan, who apparently (and thankfully) has had coffee.  
You're worried about how Gamzee might react once he sees Eridan dressed up, as it were, and you're more than ready to punch him out if he reacts badly. Well, you tell yourself, there's no way he could react as badly as Mr Ampora will (can you get arrested for punching someone's father? You're willing to risk it) or as Cronus did. 

Oddly enough, that doesn't quite help. You sigh, and Gamzee looks at you with curiosity.  
"What's got you all sighing like that, sis? You seem kind of...unhappy? Is everything cool with you and flowersis?" he asks, tilting his head with an easy grin.  
You smile a little. Rose and you both thought that nickname rather dear. "Yes, everything is quite good with me and Rose, Gamzee. I just want you to know that Eridan may not be quite....as you expect?"  
As if timing wishes to screw you over, this is the point where you draw up to the Captor household. Likely, you think, Sollux and Eridan will be growling at each other and swearing, which is why you thought to bring Kurloz along (you're pretty sure that platonically he and Mituna are a married couple. Platonically, of course, rather like Equius and Nepeta are) in case there has been a lot of shouting. Mituna hates shouting and conflict.

Porrim stops the car and nods at you, and you fly out of the car in an instant. If Eridan is in pieces, you're going to kick some hacker ass. If Eridan is crying, you will definitely be punching a tooth out of Sollux's mouth at the very least.  
Mr Captor opens the door and you try to put all thoughts of possibly harming Sollux should your friend be sobbing because of him to the back of your mind, so you can genuinely smile his way.  
"Hello, is Eridan ready?" you ask, before Gamzee moves past both you and Mr Captor, and oh, God, that is not good. You hear Porrim call something but you already are following Gamzee, and Eridan and Mituna are sat on the sofa playing Pokemon, while Sollux is balancing a laptop on his knees and ignoring them both.  
Eridan looks up and his jaw drops, his face pales, and you know his mind is flipping off the handle, and you know exactly why.  
His hair's pulled into two bunches, he's wearing one of the pink hoodies you took him out shopping for and he could so very easily be mistaken for a girl. Gamzee isn't saying anything but simply staring and staring, face blank, and then Eridan's face crumples ever so slightly.  
With that Gamzee is no longer standing and he's dived for him, peppering his face in kisses until Eridan no longer looks like he might cry. He curves a finger under his jaw, kissing his lips gently and then rather more deeply, Eridan hesitantly beginning to kiss back - and you clear your throat, watching Eridan blush and Gamzee grin, as Gamzee held him close.  
"You look beautiful, Eri. You look so lovely, little miracle, look at you! So pretty....Were you worried? Didn't need to be worried, Eri." He keeps reassuring him and complimenting him, and kisses his face over and over again, before Kurloz walks into the room and Gamzee simply wraps an arm around Eridan's waist and holds him close. You think you hear Eridan giggle, and you see Sollux hunch over his screen, shoulders drawn in. Hm. A tiny alarm bell starts to jingle in your brain.  
Mituna lets out a happy shriek and barrels for his best friend, who simply hoists him up to hug him, while Porrim finally enters the scene, Mr Captor behind her.  
Your lovely older sister takes one look at the scene and sighs, heavily, in the same way she sighs when you and Rose are...being intimate in a non-intimate setting.  
"If it would absolutely kill you to stop almost making out on a sofa that is most definitely not yours, could we please collect Eridan's things and stop disturbing everyone's Sunday?" She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, which prompts everyone to get their backsides in motion.  
Eridan stands up, picking up a few pieces and hugging Mituna quickly once Kurloz has let go of the boy, and Mituna makes him promise to visit again on Wednesday, and then Eridan goes over to Sollux, and quickly hugs him before rushing back to Gamzee, who scoops him up easily into his arm despite protests of 'Gam! Put me dow-wn!" and carries him out of the room.  
Kurloz sits down on the sofa, quite obviously intending to stay there with Mituna sat almost in his lap, and Sollux almost drops the laptop - he only just manages to catch it, while you stare at him. Another alarm bell goes off in your brain.  
"Porrim, I think I might stay here for a little while," you say slowly. "Do you think you would be okay with that?"  
She frowns, but nods at you, before sweeping out of the room while Kurloz smiles at you, almost warmly. You smile back, because for once he doesn't creep you out a little, and he seems to think it's a good idea that you stay here.  
You look over to Sollux, who is blushing a vivid red, his eyes wide behind his glasses, and his eyes are following after Eridan. You thought as much, and the final alarm bell starts screaming.  
"Sollux, is there anything you might like to discuss?" you ask gently, which snaps him back to reality - he gulps and stutters and looks away from you. Oh, dear.  
"Nothing! Not one thing!" he sputters, and you sigh.  
"You seem rather flustered, however. Is it possible that you-"  
He cuts you off. "I have code to write, KN! I have to....go do that! Not talking about thith ever!" He snatches up his laptop and flees up the stairs, and you sigh, sitting down on the sofa.  
To be honest, before this whole 'Eridan and Gamzee' business, you and Rose (and also Dave) thought that Eridan and Sollux would end up together, simply because of how much they fought, and the snark that went on in lessons. Rose and you thought it was 'pigtail-pulling', while Dave insisted it was unresolved sexual tension. However, the amount of protesting from both parties when you brought it up casually was what really convinced you, until Eridan fell for Gamzee like a sack of bricks.  
You're pretty damn sure now, however, that Sollux is beginning to like Eridan. He's been acting a little jealous, after all, and he used to be pretty okay around Gamzee, compared to this muttering and glaring. And that blushing is a very telling thing indeed. Sadly, there is nothing you can do about it - your best friend's boyfriend, is, after all, his boyfriend because your best friend wants him to be and is completely besotted. You look over to Kurloz, who shakes his head, while Mituna's bottom lip wobbles slightly.  
"Tholluckth doethn't...He codeth when he wantth to...he doethn't head upthtairth to do that..I don't....I don't underthtand!" He was cut off by Kurloz placing one finger on his lips, and more hugs being administered until Mituna was once more calm, before turning to you and nodding again. You assume he means that you have to do something to.  
"I have to say, I've never once properly tried to play Minecraft, Mituna. Nor do we usually play Xbox - so....I'm curious, how would you go about playing such a thing?" you ask, and Kurloz smiles in delight at you, while Mituna scrambles from the skeleton-dressed teen's lap in order to grab your hand and drag you to the X-box, rapidly explaining the controls and going over it again to make sure you understood. You have a feeling that you've signed yourself up for something you aren't too sure of, but you decide it's worth it.  
Besides, if Mituna figures out that Sollux likes Eridan, as you think he might if he considers it for long enough, it would be disastrous. You know exactly who he might get involved.

 

====> Be Eridan  
You're definitely in a good mood now. You're sat at home, on Gamzee's lap, while outside Porrim is yelling at Cro again, which the two of you are definitely giggling at. Gam's really happy with the fact that you took your manta plush with you, and you blush again, still not quite able to believe that he's actually okay with you. With you liking to be like this, with you being like this, and...and actually being happy about it, not just putting up with it or pretending it isn't real, he's genuinely fine with it. You wriggle a little until you can tuck your head against his shoulder.  
You can't remember being so happy or unworried dressed like this, but now you are, because Gamzee's made it clear he far from minds about your dressing up, and he keeps calling you precious and his. He doesn't think it's weird, and after the incident of before, with Will, you were very, very scared, remembering harsh words spat at you stinging like daggers and then hands grabbing you, shoving you harshly. When you were sat there, when Gam came through the door, you felt something cold spread in your chest, and you were pretty sure he was going to call you a freak, or laugh, or break up with you -  
But instead he just started kissing and kissing you, holding you as close as he could and you felt relief wash through you. He thinks you're pretty like this, he tells you, told you all the way to the house, and he keeps tugging your hair almost like he can't believe he can, and pressing kisses to your cheek and then you squirm because he's kissing your neck and you're pretty sure he means to leave a hickey. By the feel of it, as you gasp a little and squirm again, he's going to leave one alright, and right on your neck for all to see as well.  
Porrim opens the door after knocking, bringing Cro in by his ear, and you shrink back a little (because last time you were dressed like this and Cro saw you, oh God) but he looks you in the eye.  
"M'sorry I chopped dovwn your door, Eri," he mutters, and you stare. He actually sounds sincere, like he means it - but then again, fixing something you broke does kinda usually make you sorry you broke it. You hide your face in Gam's shoulder, feeling his hand on your back, warm and gentle-like.  
"M'kay..." you mutter back, and Porrim rolls her eyes. Maybe she was expecting some earth-shattering reunion scene with crying and promises to the shining stars. Yeah. Not going to happen in this house.  
"I should have known you two would suck at communicating!" she says sharply, but you hear Gamzee reply instead of Cro.  
"Ain't anything but fine, so long as there ain't any harsh words, Porrimsis. There's been enough nasty things said, 'bout time there was some niceness here."  
Cro grumbles, but to your surprise doesn't start yelling at Gam. Well, fuck. Maybe he was sincere about all that. The thought makes you look up and hesitantly smile a bit at Cro, who seems shocked, but grins back slowly.  
Eh. You're still seeing Tuna as a better big brother for you. Sliding off of Gam's lap, you look around at the other three.  
"Anyone else want coffee?" you ask, and Cro moves quickly towards the kitchen. You've had your first coffee of the day, but you doubt that another will hurt.  
"God, yes. Strong and black, please. I need a good load of caffeine to keep me from losing my temper, especially when I go over to talk to Kanny about yesterday..."  
There's a crash from the kitchen, and you turn around to see Cronus looking down with blank eyes as a cup (one of the store-bought four-packs) lies in pieces on the ground.  
"Jeez, Cro!" You pinch his arm. "Snap outta it!" Your brother yelps, before looking down.  
"Ah....man, I dropped it..." he says shakily, and you realise something's wrong. Like, really wrong. "He was there yesterday? You mean..." His eyes soften, and you realise you never want to see this expression on his face again, no matter how much of a douche he's been to you, because he looks absolutely broken.  
Porrim blinks wide eyes, and then bites at her lip, while Gam shuffles forward towards you. You let him drape over you, as your eyes are now on Por, who nods.  
"Yes, he had homework to do apparently...But I'm sure he didn't know we were there. He does tend to get rather absorbed, after all." She turns to you. "Where do you keep the dustpan and brush, Eridan?"  
Cro holds his hands up. "Nah, I broke it, I'll clean it up, Porrim babe." The nickname sounds forced from his mouth, unlike the way it usually sounds completely natural, and he pulls out the dustpan and matching brush (a hideous sickly green, seeing as your father bought it) and starts cleaning it up, not even protesting against it. Just silently cleaning. You begin to worry at your lip before Gam kisses your cheek and leads you around Cro to the kettle (you have a fancy coffee machine, but you're damned if you know how to use it).  
When coffee is made, Cro seems to have drawn himself inwards, and it's like he barely sees you as you hand him his cup (an old Harry Potter one from when he adored it.You haven't quite forgiven him yet for a lot of things, so passive-aggressiveness will be your friend for a few weeks more until you get an apology for the other shit he's done).  
Porrim sips elegantly at her sweet-and-black coffee, which is in one of the nicest mugs you could find, while Gam had asked you to make him one of your 'fruity tea full of tastebud-pleasing shit', so you and he had one each of those. You're happy that you've convinced him to start drinking these. In return, you've promised to try Faygo more than you usually do, and actually? You're beginning to develop a taste for it.  
You know that something went odd between Cro and Kri a while back - they'd been best friends, and suddenly acted like strangers, and during the first week Cro had actually started a shouting match with your father, over something or other. There had been the two of them running all over the house, and then two weeks later you know from your own eyes and from Kar that Cro started picking on Kri.  
You look up at Gam and lean up to whisper in his ear.  
"Do you want to head 'round to Kar's after this? I need to talk to him anyway..."  
Gam smiles and kisses your cheek gently. "Yeah, we'll go after this, Danny, okay?" He pulls you carefully until you're flush against his side, hip to hip, and you lean your head comfortably against his shoulder. It's times like these when you feel you've found someone you would happily grow old with, although part of you scolds yourself, telling you it's too early on to be thinking like that.  
Anyway, it's comfortable here, and you drink your tea slowly as silence falls. It's not too awkward, but Porrim glares at Cro now and then.  
"Will you just talk?!" she says, finally, and he raised an eyebrow before almost gently taking a sip of coffee. It looks like for the time being your brother has decided that bratty behaviour is the way to deal with a Maryam, and you're impartial - you don't care if he gets his own butt kicked, so long as you can sit here with Gam.

 

====> Be Nepeta  
At the moment, you are just updating your fanfictions, as your sister is out with her friend Damara, shopping for one of the local cons. Of course, having bought your costume ahead of time (you make an adorable Ritsuka, you're told), you are good to go.  
It's always nice to have Equius and his big brother around, however - Horuss is very nice, and you suspect him of treating you like a little sister - but Equius is far and away your very, very best friend. They're watching Sailor Moon as you type out a few plot ideas and manage your comments.  
Your phone starts moving about on the table, due to it being on silent (never disrupt an anime when you're just introducing someone to it) and you pick it up.  
  
GC: R4WRGH 1 4M SO DON3 W1TH M1ST3R 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST  
GC: 1 TOLD H1M H3 WOULD L34V3 1T TOO L4T3  
  
You blink in surprise. Usually, your lovely roleplay partner rants about Karkat, not Sollux. You quickly message her back, dropping your quirk - this is Serious Business.  
  
AC: what's the matter with pawlux? what did he leave too late?  
GC: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK? H3 ST4RT3D GO1NG ON - W41T, YOU DON'T KNOW. OK4Y.  
GC: SO B4S1C4LLY 3R1D4N SNUCK OUT Y3ST3RD4Y BUT COULD NOT, TH4NKS TO MR GR4P3SL1M3, GO TO K4N4Y4'S. K4N4Y4 4SK3D SOLLUX TO T4K3 C4R3 OF 3R1D4N FOR H3R WH1L3 SH3 4ND PORR1M SORT3D CRONUS OUT.  
GC: 4PP4R3NTLY 3R1D4N 1ST CUT3 WH3N H3'S H4PPY. F41R 3NOUGH.  
AC: mr ampurra is adorable around gamzee, of claws...he actually apawlogised to me fur hitting on me like that and i think he is trying to be friends??  
GC: R34LLY? HUH  
GC: W3LL GR4B ONTO YOUR SEAT, L31JON. G3T YOUR P3N R34DY.  
AC: :??  
GC: SOLLUX L1K3S 3R1D4N  
GC: W3LL, H3'S 1N TH3 D3N14L ST4G3S 4T TH3 MOM3NT  
GC: H3 4LR34DY M1SS3D H1S CH4NC3 YOU S33  
AC: WHAT  
AC: how do you know he likes him oh my god  
GC: H3 K33PS GO1NG ON ABOUT HOW CUT3 4MPOR4 1S 4ND HOW H3 F33LS S1CK WH3N 3R1D4N 4ND G4MZ33 4R3 4LL LOV3Y  
GC: 1 TR13D TO T3LL H1M B3FOR3 TH4T H3 W4S J34LOUS  
GC: D1D H3 L1ST3N?  
AC: did he furrick  
AC: this is actually not too unexpected, with pawlux and efurrything  
AC: but this is truly bad timing!  
AC: if we don't act quickly there could be hurt felines efurrywhere  
AC: espurrecially if pawlux decides to act on hiss  
GC: TH4T PUN W4S 4 STR3TCH  
GC: BUT 1 DO G3T YOUR PO1NT

You huff to yourself. You can't believe that this is happening now! If only you had been able to sort something out before, but Eridan became so spiky after that horrible incident with Cronus. Blargh.

AC: well the only thing we can pawsibly do right meow is wait and try and get pawlux not to do anything  
AC: keep him in denial if you can  
GC: Y34H  
GC: GOOD PL4N  
GC: OH, Y34H. K4N4Y4 F1GUR3D OUT TH4T 4PPL3B3RRY L1K3S 3R1D4N  
GC: SO H3'S 4LL 'bluh bluh ii can't beliieve that KN thiink2 ii liike hiim bluh bluh'  
GC: 1T 1S BULLSH1T C1TY OV3R H3R3, M1GHTY L1ON3SS  
AC: *the lioness rolls her eyes mightily at the denial of the wasp-beast, knowing him to be well and truly smitten with the mermaid pirate!*  
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: Y34H  
GC: DON'T WORRY. YOU C4N L34V3 TH1S 4LL UP TO M3!  
AC: okay!

You sigh, pulling up a new tab on your laptop, to keep yourself from diving into Fanfiction, so you can think how best to deal with this.You hope you can leave it all up to her, and that Terezi doesn't accidentally goad Sollux into doing something stupid, or tell Karkat.  
You're pretty sure you don't need to worry about Kanaya telling Karkat, as that would obviously (thanks to the friendship between him and Gamzee) lead to Karkitty having to issue a friendly warning to Sollux never to try anything with Eridan.  
So what are you doing?  
You're going to see if you can get ahold of Kanaya. Or at least leave a message if she's unavailable.

AC: hey kanaya!  
AC: aww you're not here  
AC: oh well! message me when you are so we can talk about this whole thing! h33 h33!

Horuss is somewhat entranced by the screen, but Equius, you find, is watching you, and tilts his head somewhat. Uh-oh. You'll have to make something up about what you were doing. You lock your phone and go back to updating the Loveless fanfiction you were writing - about Yuiko, who has to be one of your favourite characters - so he doesn't suspect. He disapproved of the last matchmaking you had a hand in, after all, even though it worked and the two (Jade and Feferi) seem to be pretty happy together, after you arranged it so that Feferi could take Jade stargazing near a lake, so she could confess her feelings. It was all adorable, but Equius is determined you aren't to matchmake in real life for another month. Yup, you've been grounded shipping-wise.  
He never said anything about not helping your friends avert a disaster, however...or not helping them matchmake. You snicker happily into your hands.


	5. Shit Goes Down (with other people)

====> Be the furious spiky ball of rage we all know and love  
You're sick already of these assholes sitting next to each other on your couch. All three of them. It's bad enough that you have to live with one of them all the time, after all.  
Yes, that's right. Kankri Vantas finally came out of hiding, and is chatting happily away with the most sickeningly sweet couple you know after Jade and Feferi, who call each other names like 'guppy' and 'sweetest' as well as giving each other little kisses all the time.  
And yet this surpassed and defied that level of sugary syrupy affection, in the things that these two idiots weren't doing or saying to each other that, and how it was pretty fucking clear that they wanted to be. The way that their fingers entwined and didn't do anything sneaky, or the way they looked and didn't say anything. You've seen it in a thousand movies, and now the only reason it is reducing you to near tears is because you are just so done with them and their 'couple' bullshit. You may have cavities from the over the top sugariness, and if you do they will pay the dental bill.  
Gamzee has his arm wrapped casually around Eridan, and he's looking smug, while Eridan and Kankri are happily talking about some history project or other, occasionally including actual social things such as 'Sorry Cro's giwing ya a bad time' or 'I'm so glad you're okay' or even 'It's been a regrettably long time since I have seen you'. But mostly history, and occasional 'trigger' tagging or a small lecture from your insufferable brother. Apparently it's not the done thing to call Hannibal a 'magnificently sneaky bastard'. Still, they do seem to be enjoying themselves.  
And Gamzee leans across now and then to join in with a question - such as 'that's the wicked brother you told me about, the one who brought the elephants, right?' Or something along those lines, and your best friend is ignoring you to talk to your friend who is his boyfriend, and your brother.  
You stand up, and Gamzee pats the space next to him invitingly.  
"GODDAMMIT MAKARA, NO, I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO YOU!" you howl at him, and Eridan sighs as Gamzee looks at him in this torn and unhappy manner. You feel like you have kicked an idiot Juggalo puppy. Eridan leans over to kiss his cheek.  
"Gam, it's fine. Go talk to Kar, I'm fine here with Kri." Kankri looks between the three of you and gives a slightly shaky thumbs up, something that you thought he was incapable of doing, and Gamzee fucking picks you up like a fucking child in his arms, cuddling you close happily. Fuck your life.  
"Fuck right off!" you squeak, and hear Eridan giggling happily - and somehow, you can't stay very mad. You cuddle back grumpily as he takes you to sit down in your previous armchair, while Eridan and Kankri gush and drone on about history and stupid Romans  
Gamzee's watching Eridan with big, soft eyes, and you can't get over the fact that Eridan actually seems happy wearing his girly getup which makes him look softer and more calm in front of you and Kankri. Usually he would at least not look at anyone, and you don't know what's happened to change that.  
And now Gamzee's hugging you happily, eyes turned away from Eridan and you relax with the attention. "Hey, Ampora. Where did you go yesterday?" you ask, and he giggles a little, while Kankri looks down like he wants to hide inside his sweater, obviously thinking about yesterday. Sometimes you swear you can hear him speaking his trigger hashtag shit - if anyone ever found a way to vocalise the '#' symbol, it would be your older brother.  
You feel Gamzee breathe in a little, a calming sort of gesture to himself you know well from when Vriska used to torment him, before he smiles at you. "Went around to Solbro's house, made friends with Tunabro!"  
You stare at him. It's always been pretty clear to you that Sollux and Eridan had never and never will get along, especially considering the fact that they have always tried to punch each other out, or annoy each other - and Eridan went to stay over at his house.  
And made friends with Mituna? Hell, his brother's going to love that little shining nugget. Cronus hates Mituna Captor. He's always picking on him and snarling at him - although in a different way than he does to your brother.  
"Seriously?"  
"Tuna's the coolest, Kar! You don't understand, he's like....the best person! First time I managed to play Pokémon in a w-while!" Eridan grins away, little pigtails swaying. That explains it. Eridan's pretty mad for Pokémon and definitely anyone who understood that would be pretty fast friends.  
"An' he thought I w-was a girl w-when I arriwed..." Eridan adds shyly, sort of happy. "An' he has great hugs! And Sol's pretty cool too!" He's practically gushing, damnit.  
Gamzee's hold on you tightens just slightly, while you gape at Eridan. He thinks Sollux is....cool? He's not ranting on about him being a 'damn computer nerd'? Those two hate each other, surely! Sollux and Eridan have always acted like complete little shits around each other, so you're pretty sure that there is something wrong with this picture- wait. Gamzee's doing the breathing thing again, as Kankri begins to talk to Eridan, wanting to know how Mituna is doing and all that boring social shit.  
Well, crap. This here, ladies and gentlemen and various, is what we in the old country call jealousy. Gamzee looks like he either wants to punch something or hug Eridan so tight he won't have to let go. Which either way means he'll do something he would regret or that might be damaging.  
"Gamzee, are you alright?" you as, quietly, as Eridan carries on - "W-we had such a fun time, I'm going around there again!" - and Kankri smiles a little, for the first time in a while. He used to hate Mituna, but ever since Cronus started picking on him and he spent more time at home, it was surprisingly enough Mituna who aside from Porrim messaged him to see what the matter was. They get on well enough for people who at one time were in love with the same girl.  
Therefore, you guess he finds Mituna okay to talk to Eridan about. But back to the situation in the present.  
"Yeah, I'm all up and motherfuckin' peachy, Karbro. It's not like I'm ...worried about my lil miracle bein' snatched by someone who don't deserve him. Who treated him like the worst kind of motherfucker, who made his life a motherfucking misery as soon as he could. Who was staring at him. I'm not worried 'bout that at all. About him being stolen from me by someone claiming to be my bro. Not at all. I'm just the finest someone could be." Gamzee's smile is strained, and you roll your eyes at him. Honestly. He needs to calm the fuck down immediately.  
"Sollux doesn't like Eridan that way, Gamzee." You're pretty certain in this. They argue all the time, for fuck's sakes, and surely this recent niceness didn't really mean much. It wouldn't really make any sense, unless it was 10 Things I Hate About You.  
====> Sollux: Realise you like Eridan that way.

Oh God.  
Ohhhhhhhh fuck.  
Oh.  
Hell.  
Fucking.  
No.  
It's the legs. It has to be the fucking legs which even though you previously saw them wrapped in stupid striped trousers you had not properly seen with skirts and arrrrrgh no, bad thoughts. Bad thoughts.  
It's just shock. Has to be. This isn't that shitty 10 Things romcom KK made you watch, for fuck's sakes!  
Shock and legs. That's all.  
Shit. No, that isn't all. It's the way he's cute, the way he is indignant and the way his eyes shine over things he likes. The way he looks up when he's surprised and the way he smiles when he's happy.  
It's the way he's him when he is most relaxed and the way even that he threw bits of paper at you and had mini bitch fits when you and he argue at school and you fucking missed those when he stopped reacting or instigating them, and that sick feeling really is due to the fact that you, Sollux Captor, are completely off your rocker and infatuated with Eridan Ampora.  
Goddamnit. You could have lived pretty much your whole life without knowing that, happily. One of the worst parts is that both Terezi and Aradia were right, and if they find out they will never forget this fact. Terezi may have already have figured it out - hell, she knows. You messaged her in a panic, and you fucking remember typing the word 'cute' more than once. No doubt Aradia will probably think it over and then just know.  
You open up Word, and make a small list to clarify your thoughts. You tend to do this when overly stressed or thinking too fast - a trick your dad taught you. You're not sure it works in every situation. For instance, this one.

THE ERIIDAN 2IITUATIION  
PRO2  
II know II liike hiim  
II can freely admiire tho2e leg2  
Tho2e leg2  
He want2 to return to my hou2e  
He'2 adorable  
He'2 2narky  
Pretty eye2  
Dat a22.  
Pretty everythiing 

CON2  
GZ ii2 goiing to kiill me iif he fiind2 out  
Mo2t people are goiing to kiill me  
He miight not liike me back  
He ii2 very much iin love wiith GZ  
Really iin love.  
I WIILL DIIE BY LOT2 OF PEOPLE.  
I don't want to be kiicked iin the crotch by KN or KK.

…Yeah. That is really all your brain has on the matter. Good job, brain. You’ve completely fucked up the mission to dismiss whatever teenage hormones have got you fixated on Eridan Ampora like a smitten with the douchiest person you’ve ever had the misfortune of lusting after.  
While you're on the subject, didn't you used to hate the guy? Yes. You did. And just because occasionally you wanted to slam him up against a wall and stick your tongue down his throat when he got on your nerves doesn't have to mean anything like this. That was just....whatever the hell it was. Not this, this feeling of needing to tear him away from Gamzee and hold him so close you can hear his heartbeat.  
Besides which, Gamzee is KK's best friend, and a vague friend of yours. You don't want to do that to him. You're his friend, and now Eridan's, you guess, and you don't know what you're going to do, because the inappropriate thoughts are not going away.  
The list gets a random jumble of letters added to it as you think your head down on the keyboard. Dammit, can this just not happen? Why couldn't you fall for someone else - why couldn't you not fall for Eridan Goddamnit Ampora?  
You delete the list and swear loudly. Maybe if you ignore it, it will go away and leave your poor mind the fuck alone? Maybe if you don't react to it these stupid feelings they'll disappear.  
Like how you dealt with it when you were six and had a crush on Aradia, only to see Equius give her a sheep plush and ask her to be his girlfriend. You got over that soon enough, after all, and now you think it's quite cute how they are still together. She still has the plush, although it's now faded and grubby from being lugged along on every trip she ever goes on.  
You could have fallen for Feferi, your good friend, who you know is very pretty, and half the guys in school and a good lot of the girls are jealous that you're so close to her. You know if you asked her out she'd probably say yes.  
You could have fallen for anyone.  
Instead you fell for someone who has a boyfriend, and someone who you used to hate. Damnit.  
You need coffee if you're going to deal with this. Sighing, you stand up from the computer chair and slope downstairs, passing Mituna watching Pokemon reruns on the sofa. You don't ask him if he wants coffee, because Mituna on too much coffee is similar to a Pomeranian on hallucinogenics. Your dad's already given him coffee when Eridan was here, and you aren't exactly wanting to push your luck.  
While the machine bubbles away, you look down at your phone, which is lighting up with texts from Aradia.  
  
AA: s0 wh0 are y0u jeal0us 0f  
AA: c'm0n  
AA: s0llux it tells me when y0u've read my texts  
AA: d0n't make me use leverage  
AA: s0llux if y0u d0n't tell me I will upl0ad the pictures I have 0f the Christmas party  
TA: what happened at the chrii2tma2 party  
AA: y0u f0und terezi's spare drag0n cape and wrapped a blanket ar0und y0urself, dressed bi in the cape and went 0n a quest  
TA: and you took piicture2?  
TA: AA ii'm 2o proud of you  
AA: wh0 are y0u jeal0us 0f  
TA: not telling  
AA: is it eridan  
TA: AA what the fuck  
AA: y0u were kind 0f glaring at gamzee at sch00l the 0ther day  
TA: 2o that'2 ju2t my re2tiing biitch face  
AA: s0llux cm0n  
AA: terezi was als0 saying y0u like eridan  
AA: d0 y0u 0r d0n't y0u

You swallow. Hopefully if you lie she won't be able to tell.

TA: we are ju2t friiend2 ff2 tz 2ee2 paiiriing2 everywhere  
TA: he i2n't 2o douchey now  
TA: and he'2 more tuna'2 friiend than miine  
AA: that's sweet then  
AA: as l0ng as it d0esn't make y0u jeal0us again  
AA: I mean Mituna has been really nice t0 him Eridan pr0bably likes him m0re if we are being h0nest  
The thought makes you worry your lip, and you find yourself glaring at the wall for a little while before swearing softly under your breath. You won’t let yourself care about that sort of thing. Dammit, Aradia, do you always have to be this difficult? ypu tell yourself she's just trying to get to you, but the trouble is it's working.  
TA: ii know that ii'm fiine wiith thii2  
AA: didn't say y0u weren't  
TA: you're a mean giirl, aradiia megiido  
AA: d0n't qu0te shitty m0vies at me capt0r  
AA: Damara just came in hang 0n  
AA: shit  
AA: s0llux I need y0u t0 be sitting down  
Huh. What did Damara do now? Set something on fire? Knowing Aradia's crazy sister, it was actually pretty likely. Ah well. The fire department was near their house. They should be fine. At least it'll distract her from questioning you.  
TA: ii'm sitting down  
AA: dirk's with her, and rufi0h  
AA: h0russ dumped him  
TA: ii thought rufiioh wasn't wiith Horu22  
AA: well he tried t0 get back with h0russ and g0t rejected s0 pretty much super dumped  
AA: dumped squared   
TA: fuck  
TA: how doe2 thii2 2urprii2e hiim  
AA: Damara made this p0int already s0llux in b0th languages  
AA: but dirk br0ke up with Jake  
TA: holy fuckball2  
TA: he'2 crazy about hiim though  
AA: he's certainly crazy what with katana et all but yeah   
AA: apparently he caught Jake hitting 0n Aranea th0ugh  
TA: 2hiitfuck  
TA: oh god that ha2 to 2uck  
TA: even more than rejectiion for rufiioh  
AA: yup they're watching Sail0r M00n  
AA: acc0rding t0 my 0ne t0 ten scale 0f bad things  
AA: this is an eleven  
AA: dirk's crying  
TA: ouch  
TA: that really ii2 bad   
AA: I'm g0nna g0 c0mf0rt dirk with d0rit0s  
TA: be brave, AA  
AA: Damara is singing al0ng t0 the theme s0ng pray f0r me  
  
She doesn't text back after that, and you sigh, scrolling through the conversation. You don't know that you convinced her very well, but hopefully so. You're not comfortable lying much to AA, but if you don't, you could hurt your entire circle of friends - and you might not even get the boy you love. He's pretty much bewitched by Gamzee. At least this huge situation with Rufioh and Dirk and Jake and Horuss should take some heat off of your stupid crush on Eridan that people seem to know a lot about.  
Still, it sucks. Dirk's seriously in love with Jake. And Jake has been a complete asshat here, which really isn’t like him at all. The fucker’s harmless.

====> Be the crushed girl.  
You can't believe it.  
YOUR SHIP! DirkJake has been sunk!  
But more importantly, Horuss is hurting. You’re sitting texting him frantically, and your sister is coming in with tea, which is nice.  
Horuss is your very best buddy. You wish you could go over, but you have to stay watching Nepeta, and Horuss has said you have to finish styling your Mami Tomoe wig for the con next week, or he won’t be too happy, and he’d feel very guilty. Plus, he has to sort out his room, as it’s apparently ‘a mess of a stable’.  
You can’t believe Rufioh would try to get back with Horuss after treating him like that! Damara and he still hang out because they somehow are better friends than they are lovers, as sadly many people have found out, but…  
You, Meulin Leijon, may find yourself punching Nitram in the dick before the week is out. You’ve never really been able to be his friend after he just dumped Horuss like that and started hanging out like an idiot drooling over Meenah Peixes, and now you’re pretty sure you can never ever be his friends again!  
Nepeta, fortunately, brings you a nice green tea with plenty of honey before you can have any more nastily angry thoughts. You’ve finished styling the wig, and you’re amending a plotline for a fanfiction you’d been writing involving some rather…steamy…scenes. But you want it to have a good plot as well, of course! You slurp absentmindedly at the tea as Nepeta peers over your shoulder. She’s your best beta, your little sister, and she’s making a face like she’s spotted a flaw.  
“What is it?” you ask, and lower your tone at seeing her wince. Oops. You focus on her lips as she replies – she has a plate in her hands with your favourite ever biscuits.  
“Well, I’m purr-etty sure that L would ne-fur be so sappy! And Light would in my opinion have to work really hard to win him o-fur!”  
Oh. That’s a pretty big plothole! You munch thoughtfully. “I didn’t even think! Oh, I nearly dived into the SEA OF OOC!” You feel your voice raise and cough. “Sorry…”  
“It’s okay! Try and finish the next chapter, and we can work on the storyline after that. You don’t want to lose any followers in the meanwhile.” She dashes out of the door.  
MOG. NO. NO. You do not want that. That would suck majorly. You pull up the document in which Light is beginning to get the warm fuzzies and start rapidly tapping away, knowing that you have to deal with Nitram at some point, and wanting to comfort Horuss more, your phone on the table next to your laptop lest Horuss urgently need you to go over after all.  
You’re just so angry with Rufioh for mucking up everything again that you could spit. You can’t text Dirk, because Damara messaged you to see if you wished to come over for a Sailor Moon marathon with her, Dirk, and Rufioh, and you can’t bring yourself to message your good friend while Rufioh is in the same room. He has an annoying habit of still trying to talk to you, and you wish very suddenly that Kurloz was here to curl up against and talk to or sob to rather than over at his house. You miss him very sharply, and you turn to your phone, texting him quickly. You also sort of want him over here now in the light of two break ups, almost as if to check he is still yours. Irrational, but you need him now.


	6. Hope and Hearts

====> Be the nice comforting skull girl.  
You are the nice comforting skull girl. You have Doritos in one hand and Dirk's shoulder in the other. Still attached to him, of course.  
Ever since your sister was in middle school, these three have been meeting up at your house, since you were yourself quite small. Your sister used to be very shy and would only talk Japanese, like she did at home, until Rufioh took her under his wing and they made an anime club together with Dirk, who was immensely into some strange anime - he still had the glasses from it.  
There had been other members, of course, as their friendship circle grew. Meulin Leijon, with her Tokyo Mew Mew Obsession, Rose Lalonde, Dirk's brother Dave, Sollux and others. But these three were the founders and pretty much best friends. After Rufioh broke up with your sister they hadn't really been together so much - Damara and Dirk had been hanging out, Dirk and Rufioh had been hanging out. But at critical times like this, they banded together, despite what had happened. No matter what, they truly were friends.  
It would be quite sweet if Rufioh wasn't such an asshole to Horuss as to believe he could break his heart and ask him back to warm his bed. You don't much like Rufioh for that, but him having been around since your sister met him means that when you started getting into different things he helped you. He always buys you things for your birthday as well. When you were ten years old, and liked Pokemon, he bought you your first trial deck. He then helped you build a good Ghost Pokemon deck, and for Christmas one year, you unwrapped a Duskull plush. When you were eight he bought you little things with skulls on them and has continued to do so now and then. As your mom would put it, you like Rufioh, but at the moment you don't like his behaviour.  
Dirk, on the other hand, has been...  
He's been better than Rufioh. He doesn't dote on you openly. He'll talk with you instead. He has wholeheartedly worked at his relationship with Jake. He was the one who made friends with you outside of this house. He became your friend because he wanted to, not because you were Damara's little sister, which you know was Rufioh’s main motive at the time. He's the one you have smuggled up to your room so you two can watch what he wants to on your laptop while you think about texting Sollux again. You've taken his phone off of him and given him the bag of Doritos now, while the two of you watch Mami Tamoe be ripped to shreds on the screen while Madoka watches in horror.  
You've seen this particular anime with him over and over. He introduced you to it when you were thirteen years old, and didn't mock you for clutching your Jack Skellington plushie as tight as you could the first time you saw this scene. You hadn't at all expected it. He'd then proceeded to explain to you in a monotone that fucked up people made this shit, and that you shouldn't just trust things that offer you good shit with no apparent catch. If Vriska Serket offered an apology, don't take it.  
This was after Vriska pushed you off the swings and you had your forehead sliced open, passing out from the pain, and your bone showing through in a nasty blue-white colour as she howled with laughter and you were in so much pain you didn’t even realise you were crying, didn’t even realise it when you were picked up by Latula Pyrope, who’d been sat nearby watching Terezi, but had dropped her phone and tried to staunch the bleeding. Rufioh had apparently had to hold your sister back from punching Vriska's pointy little teeth out, or possibly pulling them out with pliers until she cried, but it was Dirk and Roxy who hacked into Vriska's computer and reversed her account on her favourite RPG game so that all her cool stuff was gone and she was Level One - but also so that all the monsters appeared and killed her character whenever she tried to use it. Roxy was actually sloshed at the time and couldn't remember how they had done it, but she and especially Dirk avenged you, and Sollux spent weeks when you weren't at school, too afraid of Vriska to attend, building a virus that wiped everything on her computer and indeed made the computer forget it was anything other than a plastic box.   
Rufioh had sent you gifts like Pokemon cards and chocolate to the hospital, but Dirk was the one who had come to sit inside with you when you refused to leave the house, when the thought of Vriska waiting outside had you shaking, the mere mention of her name filling you with a strange mix of anger and fear. It's always been Dirk holding your hand when you crossed the road as a little kid, usually with Dave in the other hand, while Rufioh was not really wanting to hold your hand, much preferring Damara’s.  
So it's Dirk who you are comforting now. In the way you and he prefer.  
Damara has the task of bringing Rufioh back to reality (when you cheat on people and break up with them, they won't come back to be hurt most of the time) downstairs.  
Any other time you might have asked Dirk to help you with this whole Sollux and Eridan and Gamzee business, which quite everyone is in a fuss over within your friend group. You haven't been told, but it's one of these things you just know.   
You just know a lot of things. From common sense you think it might be best not to talk about relationships with Dirk at the moment. Especially where cheating might happen, in some way. You have a bit of a hunch what might happen, but you have to keep it to yourself. Someone who can see does not worry the blind with what is bad, your grandmother told you. You always heed her advice.  
"She gives up her soul for this guy. Even after he's an ass. Why would you do that?" Dirk munches on a Dorito like it's at fault for the animated girl's misery, and you nod slowly. "Why trust again and again?"  
The same question could be applied to so many people. Your friend Tavros, Horuss Zahhak, even Eridan, in some ways and definitely in his previous relationships. But you know Dirk's questioning himself, because there is no doubt that he is still in love with Jake English. He's always only has eyes for Jake even when others have fallen for him. You've hidden your Indiana Jones DVD collection behind your Doctor Who books before you let him in, and your little cowboy hat that you love is stuffed under the bed.  
"Maybe it's not a conscious choice." You smile tentatively at him and absentmindedly he leans to ruffle your hair.   
"Thanks for this, Aradia."   
It is, you assure him, something you're happy to do. It's the least you could do.  
You really do wonder what you should do about Sollux, though. As long as he is sober, he should be able to keep his secret. But everyone holds parties in the summer with alcohol, and if he drinks enough to get drunk, chances are that he’ll end up blurting it out and kissing Eridan in the worst romantic comedy way possible. Speaking of which, you should probably throw a red herring or two Karkat’s way.

====> Be Eridan.

You are now Eridan, and you're pretty sure that you're in love. You and Gamzee decided to walk over to the park, and you're sat with a daisy flower crown Gamzee made you in your hair, as he holds you close and tells you you're pretty.  
Yeah. Moving on. This is both too soppy and too private. 

====> Be Jake.  
You have majorly screwed up.  
Okay, maybe you were flirting with Aranea, who's amazingly pretty, but...It wasn't serious! Just a little friendly flirting! Everyone does that! And it was at one of your group's big day parties, so you'd all been drinking. Even though you hadn't actually been drinking, the mood was still there.  
But Dirk had looked almost emotionlessly at you, and as he turned away after telling you clearly that you two were through, he glanced back at you for a mere second with tears on his cheeks before Damara tugged him away, Rufioh holding her other hand and quite pale.  
And that's what has stuck. You made him cry.  
You doubted all the emotions that Dirk seems to express in weird ways. Hell, you thought it was a joke, sometimes, that he had ever asked you out, some big ironic statement. Even though Roxy assured you that 'D-Strides is totes head over heels for you!' all the damn time.   
And he was romantic, he truly was, but the emotionless expression all the time behind those awful shades just made him seem insincere.  
The awful thought that you're the one who's been insincere passes through your mind.   
You've been looking for Dirk to prove himself, and you've instead proven yourself a terrible person, a little voice insists in your mind. You don't like listening to the little voice. It tells you things you know already, or things you never want to think about.   
Like how you feel like someone scooped your beating heart out with a spoon of ice. Or cut it out, a la Temple of Doom.  
Because you made your boyfriend cry, and he won't talk to you. Because your boyfriend is now your ex, through what you've done.  
Because you flirted with Aranea Serket and almost kissed her, your lips close to hers when you realised that not only did she seem uncomfortable but Dirk was watching you.   
Not saying anything. Just watching. Just looking at you.  
It was a joke of a kiss, or it was going to be, just a laugh because you didn't really like Aranea, even though you had long ago had a crush on her and her blue attire and blue hair (you had a thing for girls in blue due to Avatar at the time) but since then it has been dyed back to its original blonde, and besides, you had a boyfriend so it was only a jest, a jape. A joke.  
As much as a joke as you are yourself.  
Nobody could take your side in this, not one person. None of your friends have messaged you. Jane had blinked back tears as she drove you back to your house, the party being too much to stand. Jade had been out with her girlfriend, Meenah's sister Feferi, so you didn't have to face her yet because she had stayed over the night.  
You're hoping someone will talk to you, anyone, because at this moment you feel completely and hideously alone. Roxy won't respond, and neither will Jane, but then Jane already has enough on her plate, being the one who had driven you home. She can't be having an easy time of it for that. You had heard Porrim say you should be made to walk home, preferably with iron shoes, but then she had been hushed by Latula, who had been frowning. At you. Like everyone else.  
And you are the reason Dirk is crying.  
You know there's only one person to ring at this point. Grandma English can sort anything, and hopefully she will help you with this massive screw up.

====> Be Cronus.  
Jesus. Sometimes you really wish you weren't that much of an asshole. Sometimes, when you feel really unhappy about everything you did.  
And sometimes you wish you were sneakier. You left the party when Kankri showed up, but you've been trying for the past half hour to drum up the courage to drop flowers on his window sill from the tree. You surge forward and drop them there, scarpering away, heart banging in your chest. You've seen enough old movies to know this is probably going to go terribly because you signed 'From a Secret Admirer' instead of having the balls to put your own name.  
Okay, so maybe if you put your own name he might burn them or freak out again. You really don't want to face the wrath of Rosa Maryam. Porrim's is already bad enough.  
You don't know what even gave you the guts or the craziness to do the flower thing. You suspect it's probably the love bug. Anyone around Gamzee and Eridan for more than five minutes had to start feeling that love happened like in the movies, dammit! But now, you just have to wait and see what happens. If Kankri accepts the flowers, you can start the ball rolling. If he’s allergic to any of them, you’ve probably fucked up beyond measure. But you think it should be alright, you really do.  
Well.  
You hope.


	7. The Story of How Shit Went Down (Starting In Sixth Grade)

====> Be the idiot in love.  
Please be reasonable with your commands, buddy. They’re all idiots in love. Every last one of them.  
====> Be the idiot who tried to proposition Horuss.  
Ah, yes. You’re an idiot. Damara is at your arm, telling you you’re an asshole in the most loving way Damara can muster. You…You kind of just decided to go for it because he looked so cute and hot and everything at the party. Damn your stupid hormones. According to science, which you don’t know much about, they’re the reason you suck at romance.  
====> Rufioh: Go back to the beginning for the nice people.  
You’ve been blessed, your grandfather tells you, with good looks. The way he said it at the time made you feel he was talking about a curse, but the statement gave you the confidence that not many people had in your class when you were in sixth grade, which is when the whole crazy thing started. You’d sauntered in, knowing you looked good, and feeling happy anyway, your manga in your bag to read at break.

  
That was when you first saw Damara Megido, eyes darting everywhere and looking like she might cry, limp bunches of lovely dark hair on her shoulders and clutching a Rilakkuma backpack close to her. She’d actually had so much Rilakkuma stuff on all her school supplies, and big red bows on her bunches.  
It was pretty much the truth to say you fell hard and fast. You thought you were the only one who liked anime and all that stuff, as every single eleven-year-old who watches anime does. You watched the adorable girl who liked anime and Japanese stuff quiver and look around, eyes filling with tears as the teacher asked you all to introduce yourselves. She’d stood up and tried to say something, stuttering before a torrent of Japanese flooded from her mouth. You’d understood some of it, of course. You watched subbed anime, not dubbed, and you understood what she was saying.  
_‘I’m sorry, I can’t, I can’t talk…I’m Damara Megido, I’m sorry, I can’t talk to you. I’m very sorry…_ ’ That was pretty much the gist of it. She’d stuttered her words and began to cry.

  
Damara Megido could not, when scared, speak English. She was from a Japanese family, and they spoke it at home - you found that out when you visited and her grandmother and mother were having a loud and cranky argument. She understood English, but could barely speak it. You’d translated what she was saying immediately to the teacher, and the grateful look she gave you through her tears had upped your heartbeat instantly. You could practically see hearts every time you looked at her, every time she smiled at you from then on until the whole relationship crashed and burned. You became fast friends within the day, talking to her in your Japanese, letting her correct you when you made an error. You were completely head over heels for the cute girl, and it showed.

  
You’d shown her around school, practising breathing exercises like your little brother had to practise with her so that by the end of the first two weeks she could manage very small talk even when stressed without bursting into tears. Her family had made sure she was plunged in at the deep end, because she had just not grasped English too well, and it was working, but Damara had been very stressed by the whole situation. They’d hired someone to tutor her until she reached middle school age after a disastrous incident in elementary school where she’d run away from home, unable to cope with school. Everything about her was perfect to you, and she shared her bento and stickers with you shyly. If you’re glad for nothing else, you’re glad for the sweet and innocent first love you shared with Damara.

  
After three days, she took you home with her to watch Sailor Moon, which enthralled her at that time, little plush Korilakkuma clutched tight as you two watched the transformation of the schoolgirls. A little girl with a big mess of curly hair had bounded into the living room, who Damara introduced to you as Aradia, her younger sister, who was eight years old and a happy bundle who showed everyone the turtle skull she had in her room. You realised quickly she loved skulls, and when she met Tavros, you watched the two almost immediately become friends, Damara smiling as her sister ran around. Aradia’s morbid interests had driven away most of the girls around her. They liked princesses, she liked Indiana Jones. They liked flowers, she loved bones. And Tavros was shy. Neither of them were popular at school. But together, they became fast friends, and happily spent their time together, leaving you and Damara in relative peace.

  
You’d met Dirk during the two weeks you were teaching Damara English, when Damara and you were speaking in Japanese about Sailor Moon, and he’d turned to the two of you, and in perfect Japanese told you that Jupiter was badass and the best of them. Damara loved Sailor Mars best, so thus defended her, and then Dirk and her had chatted away at a speed that surpassed your comprehension. You’d been so relieved that someone else knew what you were talking about that you forgot to be surprised that he was speaking Japanese (which turned out to be due to his uncle being some sort of famous director and taking Dirk with him when he made a film in Japan for a holiday one year, inspiring Dirk’s love of the country and its culture and language). The three of you became known as ‘The Lost Weeaboos’, and you all laughed over that, Damara pulling down her Rilakkuma hat over her eyes as she laughed. You were pretty much in love with her big time.

  
The second time that you and Dirk went over to Damara’s house, you lost Dirk, and looked everywhere for him before Damara held a finger to her lips, hearing giggling. You went in and found Dirk sat with Aradia, eyes closed as Aradia painted his face like a candy skull, like the Day of the Dead with surprising skill. She looked around and squeaked at seeing you both stood there, Dirk turning to you with such seriousness you couldn’t help but laugh. Damara began asking Aradia why she was stealing Dirk away, and then Aradia had looked guilty, saying the three of you were having such fun it wasn’t too fair.

  
Eventually you worked out how to keep her occupied, bringing Tavros and Dave with you whenever you met up. Dave and her shared a love of bones and the creepily cute, and Tavros loved LARP and Dungeons and Dragons just as much as Aradia did. Dave became the friend of both Aradia and Tavros, and then they would occupy themselves. You were a little embarrassed that you hadn't thought of it before. Dirk still sometimes disappeared upstairs to talk with them, watch Pokémon, whatever it was they did.

  
You’d asked Damara out as you were helping the Megido family decorate for Halloween, and she’d squealed, hugging you tight. The two of you had had a sweet and innocent relationship, and as time went by, the two of you had changed. A lot. You went into a phase of wearing dark clothing and watching Sword Art Online, and the two of you had made a lot of different friends. You still love SAO, but you no longer identify with Kirito. It’s hard to believe you ever did.

  
When you were fourteen, Aradia entered your school, along with all the rest of the local eleven year olds. Her tastes had hardly changed, and she was always happily pushing Tavros around, the two of them talking. This was when you think Tavros met Vriska. All you know is that she caught Tavros and Aradia playing Dungeons and Dragons with their old characters in the library, along with Terezi Pyrope, her best friend and D and D partner. They had seemed so very happy, back then.

  
Through your brother meeting Vriska, something you truly wished had never happened, you met Latula, a girl in your year who was Terezi’s older sister. She was one of those people who thought ‘radical’ was still in use, and in fact a few of you found yourselves using the word after meeting her. Like you and Damara, she’d been in a relationship since the first year of middle school, and her boyfriend, Mituna, was someone you did actually know, albeit by sight. Like you and Damara were the anime couple, they were the gamer couple, and you went off to your first convention together, glad to have someone to pal around with. Latula dressed as Mario, while Mituna donned a wig to be Princess Peach, Damara helping him with the dress with one of those smiles which were getting rarer and rarer. Smirks, you saw a lot of from her. Smiles, not so much. You’d gone as Kirito and she’d obliged you by cosplaying Sachi. You’d had a wonderful time there.

  
That was where you bumped into Meulin Leijon, a girl at your school, and the two of you had shrieked in surprise before Damara had laughed and waved to Meulin, who hugged her tightly. Apparently, they sat next to each other in English, and Meulin’s creative writing skills had…come to light, as it were. She’d been given detention for it, actually. Kurloz, her boyfriend as of that summer, was Mituna’s best friend. He and Meulin had been friends for years, as had Latula and Mituna previous to Mituna asking out Latula, but Meulin and Kurloz were absolutely adorable together. Her sister Nepeta was one of the new sixth graders, and Meulin, resplendent in a Hello Kitty hoodie, talked loudly as she chattered away to Damara about their respective little sisters. You and Kurloz stood side by side as you watched them squealing.  
Kurloz waved slowly at you, and grinned when you waved back. As you knew jack shit about sign language back then, that was the extent of your conversation. Meulin appeared to not be cosplaying, but she was enjoying herself nonetheless.

  
When Nepeta met Aradia, the two of them got along immediately. Meulin was overjoyed to hear about your little club, and begged with wide eyes to join, Kurloz signing to Mituna behind her back. Your club was actually the basis for meeting most of your current circle of friends. Another thing you were…mostly…grateful for. So your circle widened to include Meulin, Kurloz, Nepeta, Nepeta’s best friend Equius, who you only heard of as having a brother, and Kurloz’ little brother Gamzee.

  
Meulin and Damara had started writing smut fanfiction together, something that you were surprised at, given how you saw Damara back then. Before she really started to change. Dirk’s younger sister, Rose Lalonde, had joined in the weekly anime nights as well, when she was thirteen, loving Puella Magi Madoka Magica, which had scarred you all in its way. Aradia, being out at a Dungeons and Dragons night with Vriska Serket and your brother, didn’t see it, thankfully. Her friend Sollux had joined in, liking SAO just as much as you did, and the two of you bonding slightly over it. He’d later come out to you, telling you that he was bisexual and he didn’t know how to come out to his dad or his brother. The two of you had gone for a walk, talking things through, and that was when you begin to ponder your own sexuality.

  
You’d been still pondering that in the park when you’d seen Aradia arc off of the swings in the park as you and Damara walked to collect her form where Latula was watching over the kids, Vriska laughing her high pitched cruel little laugh as Aradia crumpled to the ground, blood leaking onto tarmac. Latula screamed, rushing to pick Aradia up, and then the changes in your sweet girlfriend, who wore her hair in a traditional bun now, became apparent. Damara, age eleven, would have simply cried. Sixteen years old Damara went fucking nuts. You held her back as she tried to dash towards Vriska, screaming curses at her as that little demon carried on swinging, looking at ease, while Terezi panicked, not being able to see what had been going on, trying to step forward while Vriska simply laughed and laughed.  
Aradia was in the hospital for a while. You sent in gifts, shaken by what you had seen. Dirk went with Damara to visit her, while they ran all the scans they had to. Luckily, she had broken no bones, but she’d lost a lot of blood. You saw her almost like a little sister, and you sent gifts in, trying not to give in to the tears. When she came home, Aradia was remarkably changed for a long time. You tried to say hello, but she would not respond, simply shaking in fear. You hadn’t been able to deal with it, and had ended up not visiting like an idiot as you tried to sort your head out. Dirk had gone in to deal with it, and you told your brother to stay the hell away from Vriska, who he had previously had a crush on. He told you that he was not helpless, and that anyone who hurt their supposed friend like that could not be a good person in a relationship.

  
Shortly after that, with Aradia in the state she was, you stopped visiting Damara quite so much. You had to have a tutor for science, because you couldn’t pay attention to your classes with your whole internal turmoil going on, and while you could rely on innate ability for some of your classes, science wasn’t among those. The teacher had the best student in class tutor you, and you were at first apprehensive and moody about the whole thing, until you met the top student.

  
Your tutor was adorable. He wore a My Little Pony hoodie, hair in a long ponytail, and you felt your heart thump every time he spoke. His voice was gentle, and his smile was soft. You paid attention to what he said, and your grades began to improve. Horuss Zahhak smiled at you when your marks were read out in class along with the rest, and your heart swooped as it had done when you were eleven, helping the lovely girl in your class speak English, and when you saw Damara that night, you broke down slightly, letting her steer you off towards the local pancake place. You could see how much she had changed, from the short seifuku she donned most days, or the red leather jacket and black miniskirt she was currently wearing and the red eyeliner. She stubbed the cigarette that her grandmother bought her out in the ashtray outside as she sashayed in with you.

  
“We’ve changed.” She looked at you. “You’re changing. You don’t like me like you used to, Rufioh.” She pats your arm. “I know you. We might be able to fix it, you know.”

  
You looked at her and you dropped your head. Damara needed to know exactly why you had cried and told her you two weren’t going to be able to keep this up. “I like this guy.”

  
She narrowed her eyes, and you felt like somebody had punched you in the heart. Damara is your girlfriend of five years. What were you meant to do? But you looked away from her gaze and she leant forward.

  
“I’m dumping you, Rufioh. I know you very well. People think you’re good, nice, friend, chum. But I know you, if he kisses you, you let him. He loves you, you would love him back. And you’d try not to break my heart and make it worse.” She looks at you in that way and you know that if Horuss Zahhak kissed you, there would be no way to refuse. You wonder how long this gap has been between you and Damara as the lights in the cheap diner flicker. How long has Damara been dealing with it that she can casually dump you like this? The reality that the two of you were breaking up hit you and you began to wilt slightly. She leant across to kiss your cheek, softly, like a goodbye.  
You wept, and she mopprf your tears lovingly. It’s a different kind of love, and you think it’s been there for a while. She looked you in the eye and sighed softly.

  
“I give you advice now. You and me, we loved first and were friends after. Become this boy’s friend. And if he breaks your heart, I will rip his dick off for you.” There was a deep sadness in the way she walked out, then, stopping at the counter and paying for something. They brought your favourite pancakes out to you five minutes later.

  
It was the nicer of the two break ups you went through. But that is all your own fault.

  
After a month of being his friend, and a month of the shockwave of your break up going through your friend circle (the only person who was not shocked was Dirk, who told everyone that you two were still friends and that they needed to calm their collective mammaries), you summoned up the courage to ask Horuss out.  
The bliss that you and Damara had lost rose again with Horuss. Horuss was the softest, sweetest boyfriend, and the two of you had a loving relationship. He was always around you, always smiling in that sweet way at you, and his long beautiful hair would brush your shoulders when he kissed you.  
And then you ruined it, two months ago. After almost three years with Horuss, nearly a month before your anniversary.

  
You couldn’t stand being loved so obviously deeply. Couldn’t deal with the fact that Horuss adored you, that all the attention you had craved was being given to you. So you’d gone over to Damara’s and tried to kiss her.  
She’d reared away from you in horror, slapped you and told you she was sorry. You thought she meant sorry for slapping you. It turned out that she was sorry for telling Horuss, whose reaction was bad.  
In that he broke down crying. And told you he loved you, but this counted as you dumping him. You grew angry, because Damara had told him, and ended up in a big argument with him, telling him he was too much, that you didn’t want to be with him anymore. All twisted, dark little barbs and things you wished you could take back, because he didn’t talk much anymore. All things that hurt your heart only half as much as you knew they must hurt Horuss, who smiled at you one last time before running out of your house where he’d come to visit you.  
Your group had been slightly divided ever since. Meulin threatened to punch you in the dick, and you pretended to like Meenah Peixes ever since you broke up with the person who may well be the love of your life. Meenah knows you’re faking having a crush on her, so she puts up with you in a way she would not tolerate from many other people.

  
And then you decided that maybe if you tried a ‘friends with benefits’ approach that you could get Horuss back, wrapping your arms around him and whispering in his ear. He’d punched you in the stomach, and he was clearly blinking back tears, and you realised pretty quickly that you had fucked up. And then Damara had muttered ‘asshole’ at you, and tugged you away.

  
And then you’d seen Jake and Dirk and Aranea and if that didn’t make you feel sicker to the stomach than you did, then nothing could. Because you were exactly like Jake, but worse. You know Damara could see it when she dragged Dirk away, sitting you and Dirk in the back of her car and driving you both home, sighing softly the whole while.  
Nineteen and you still couldn’t sort your life out. You hadn’t gone to university like Dirk had, but instead you were working in the comic book shop, liking the job. Damara had chosen to go for a job as well, working in the local florist’s. Dirk had chosen the local university rather than another, as had most of your group of friends. You’d been glad to see them all again, and now you’d mucked it all up. Meulin was probably raring to hit you in the face. You kind of wished she would. Then again, you wish that the ground had had the sense to swallow you up before this had all gone down.

====> Be the funkiest grandma on the planet.  
You can’t, I’m afraid. She’s dealing with Jake.  
====> Be the sweater recluse.  
You’re in your room, admiring the beautiful bunch of red roses and white camellias. Oh, but the meanings could just make you blush brighter than you are already doing. According to the tag, you have a secret admirer. You don’t know who it could be, given that you…are somewhat of a recluse.  
Unbidden, an image of Cronus presenting these flowers to you comes into your head, and you flush further. You’ve put the flowers in a white vase Porrim bought for you last Christmas, and you’re glad you weren’t holding it when that awful little thought popped into your head.  
Cronus may have been your friend once, but he is a bully and a creep. You won’t—you refuse to think of him in that way. Besides, you…  
You pushed him away when he stole your first kiss. You know, you’ve always known, that that was the tipping point for the awful way he treated you, but the way he acted made you determined not to give in at all to any stupid little pangs of regret. His treating you like that made you feel awful, like he’d never wanted to be friends with you, only seen you as a romantic prize. Maybe his intentions had been true when he was younger and the two of you had been such great friends back then. Adolescence didn’t do anything except ruin the friendship you two had.  
And it couldn’t be Cronus. He’d renounced you, he tortured you.  
You tried not to think on who it could be. It could, of course, be an awful prank to get your hopes up. That would be more like Cronus. However, Damara works at the florist’s shop, so if you can’t guess tomorrow, you’ll ask her. You hope she knows, but at the same time, you kind of don’t want to know. Anonymous lovers are such nice things, a daydream to embellish shamelessly as you go around your room, tidying here and there and humming under your breath.  
Of course, seeing Eridan was a great and lovely thing. His love of history was always so lovely, and his relationship with Gamzee seems to be going very well indeed. You’re happy for him. He’s been so unhappy, and of course, this is yet another thing that is Cronus’ fault. You pick up your Classical Civilisations set book, sighing as you try not to tag all the many, many triggers within it. History is a blood-filled place, and you don’t want to think on how many offensive topics you could find within Herodotus alone.  
The flowers sit innocently on your desk, the red and white distracting you every time they catch your eye. Oh, bother.  
You aren’t going to get any reading done at all if you can’t stop wondering about who it might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT ON WHO YOU WANT TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER!


	8. Think Gooding,  Manbat.

Your name is Jonathan Egbert, known better as John, and you are dealing with a hysterical Karkat. It's too early in the morning for this shit, and definitely too early for it to happen via text. 

Why did you get Ghostbusters as your text tone? Why? Why would you do that? 

You guess was funny at the time, but right now, it's the least funny thing ever, and you really think five o'clock should not be a time for texting when you have to start getting ready for school in two hours. 

CG: JOHN. 

CG: JOHN FUCKING EGBERT.

CG: DORKBERT.

CG: EGBERT, WAKE UP

CG: SERIOUSLY, YOU ARE SO FUCKING IDLE. GET UP. 

EB: karkat do you know what time it is?

CG: YES. 5:03. I HAVE BEEN FLIPPING OUT FOR THREE HOURS. THREE. HOURS. I COULD HAVE BEEN READING BOOKS OR DOING ANYTHING ELSE, VIRTUALLY ANYTHING! 

Seriously. This guy needs to remember that other people are not insomniacs and actually sleep healthily and all that jazz.

EB: did someone on tumblr annoy you? ignore them, they're jerks. we all still like you, yada yada. let me sleep now.

CG: OH, FUCK OFF. 

EB: can i? because then i could go back to sleep!

CG: NO, JOHN. PLEASE. JUST.

CG: OKAY SO DON’T TELL ANYONE JACK SHIT ABOUT THIS LEAST OF ALL YOUR ASSHOLE PRIVATE CIRCLE BUT I LOST MY PIERCING AND I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO FIND OUT. I WOKE UP AFTER THIS PARTY WENT TO WHERE I GOT A BIT DRUNK AND IT WAS GONE. 

EB: really? no shit?

CG: YEAH. REALLY. DON’T TRY ANY WITHERING SARCASM, EGBERT. YOU DON’T HAVE THE WIT FOR IT. 

EB: wow, you’re pissy today

CG: WELL, I FUCKING WONDER WHY. GREAT DEDUCTION, ROBIN. PUT ON YOUR GREEN LYCRA AND GO GET TAKEN OUT BY WHICHEVER GROWN MAN IS PRANCING AROUND TRYING TO KILL BATMAN. YOUR DEATH WILL BE THE ONLY TIME BATMAN SHOWS ANY HUMAN EMOTION TOWARDS YOU. HE MAY EVEN START TO ACT LIKE AN INTERESTING CHARACTER. 

EB: calm down! have you tried advertising that you lost it?

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? LOOK, WHEN I TRIED TO REMEMBER, I FELT SOMEONE’S HANDS ON MY EAR. WHICH MEANS IT WAS STOLEN. WHICH MEANS SOMEONE WILL GET A SICK THRILL OUT OF SEEING ME PANIC. SO FUCK THAT NOISE. THE SICK FUCKER IS GOING TO HAVE TO STEW IN HIS OWN PIERCING STEALING ASSHOLE JUICE! 

CG: I AM NOT UP TO OTHER PEOPLE SEEING ME PANIC, EITHER. SO I’M JUST GOING TO TRY AND FIND IT. THE WORST PART IS THAT THE TEACHERS WILL THINK I’M COMPLYING TO THEIR RULES TODAY. THE SECOND WORST PART IS THAT I’M GOING TO HAVE TO GET PORRIM TO FIT IN A NEW ONE IN FOR ME, AND PAY FOR IT. I WAS SAVING UP FOR OCARINA OF TIME, JOHN! NOT THIS BULLSHIT! 

EB: that sounds like it sucks. i'm sorry.

CG: NO FUCKING SHIT. REALLY, GREYSON, GROW A MULLET AND CALL YOURSELF NIGHTHAWK. YOU'RE MAKING ALL THESE GREAT DEDUCTIONS TODAY.

You sigh. Seriously, you leave for like a week and shit hits the giant fan. And Karkat's not even being rational. Just mean. Which means you, poor sucker that you are, must calm him down. Which you suck at.

EB: karkat this is too early to be freaking out and i need to sleep

CG: ARE YOU ACTUALLY BEING SERIOUS HERE.

CG: WHAT TIME SHOULD I FREAK OUT? WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE? 

EB: if it means i can sleep, sure. i still don't see how someone could waltz up and steal an industrial bar.

CG: ...

CG: ...

EB: ok stop typing those it really doesn't make me less suspicious! we've discussed this! sollux lied to you when he said people get less suspicious when you do that! he fucking lied! 

CG: DO NOT FREAK OUT, OKAY? 

EB: i'm not even going to point out the irony here

CG: DO NOT SAY THE I WORD. IF YOU SAY IT THREE TIMES IN FRONT OF A MIRROR THE JERKWAD GOD OF DOUCHEBAGS IN SHADES TELEPORTS TO YOUR ROOM AND POSTURES DESPERATELY FOR ATTENTION.

CG: BUT.

CG: I THINK I MAY HAVE BEEN MAKING OUT WITH THE PERSON WHO STOLE THE BAR.

CG: I HAVE LIKE FIVE BIG HICKEYS ON MY NECK. 

EB: what the fuck?

EB: yeah no karkat i am going to sleep now 

EB: why would you kiss someone like that?

CG: OH, SORRY, I FORGOT THAT PEOPLE MAKE THE BEST DECISIONS EVER WHEN INEBRIATED. GEE GOLLY. 

CG: SERIOUSLY, IF YOU WERE MORE ON FIRE TODAY, I WOULD BE POURING GASOLINE OVER MY ENEMIES AND TELLING YOU TO HUG THEM. ROLL FOR FIRE DAMAGE.

EB: was

EB: was that a dungeons and dragons reference

CG: FUCK THE LIVING FUCK OFF.

EB: karkat it's too early i'm going to sleep

 

You, needless to say, then can't get to sleep. Damn it all. 

 

Across town, one of your friends, though you don't know it at all (you aren't fucking psychic, okay?), is using concealer on some savage hickeys and rolling an industrial bar between their fingers with a small smile.


	9. Chapter 9

REWRITING THIS! PLEASE BE PATIENT!


End file.
